America, We Need to Talk

“Talking to each other instead of talking about each other is not some kind of nicey-nice idea. It's the difference between societies falling apart and societies getting something wonderful done.”

— Elizabeth Lesser

Like many of you, I am still processing the events of Wednesday, January 6th…a day that will no doubt live in infamy. I find myself struggling to string together the words to perfectly describe what I (what we) witnessed and what I feel. I am enraged…I am mortified…I am heartbroken…I am shocked…but I cannot say that I am surprised. This was not an accident. This was not random. This was a culmination of years of rhetoric and complicity. This has further compounded the collective trauma that was the-year-we-shall-not-speak-of and shined a spotlight on the deep divides that exist in our country.

“We have the ability to make ourselves incredibly accessible to billions of people, but that accessibility appears to begin and end at our keyboards.”

But I don't want to talk about the event itself—anyone who knows anything about me knows where I stand. Instead, I want to talk about how we get through this—because we will get through this. Emotions are high right now and we find ourselves at yet another fork in the road in terms of the direction of our country. I certainly do not claim to have all of the answers, but after many conversations and some time to reflect on this exact question that has been posed to me several times over the past few days, my answer is this: we have to start having the hard conversations.

We find ourselves in an age where you can send a message around the world with just one click of a mouse…or share a photo of your brunch to all of your friends in a matter of seconds…or fight with complete strangers about sports or politics on various platforms. We have the ability to make ourselves incredibly accessible to billions of people, but that accessibility appears to begin and end at our keyboards. As a Millennial (and as a solid Enneagram 9), I have always struggled with confrontation, giving my (true and full) opinion, and frankly having hard conversations. And as a “Southern young lady” it was ingrained in me from a young age that it was impolite to discuss things such as money, politics, and sex openly. When difficult situations would arise, the “flight” in my “fight or flight” would immediately kick in, causing me to become defensive, to deflect, or to shut down altogether. And I believe that experience to be true for many others as well. Then the internet appeared, and we found that pendulum swinging so far in the opposite direction—digitally shouting down those who would disagree with us at every opportunity and seeking refuge in our respective echo chambers. And as therapeutic as owning a Twitter troll can be at times, that isn’t how we make progress.

“We have to be willing to not only make our voices, opinions, and stances heard but also to allow the same for others.”

Like most things when it comes to making progress, it starts with us. Again, for us Millennials especially, it’s easy to watch an event like the insurrection at the Capitol unfold and be affected by it but still experience a huge disconnect. The tragedy of 9/11 occurred during our most formative years, and I still vividly remember watching the towers burn with fear and pain and confusion in my heart and yet…I never felt a seismic shift in my life because of it. As adults now we obviously have a much better understanding of the world, but I think we are still lacking one very important piece of the puzzle: principled responsibility.

So what does that look like? We have to first understand that whether we feel the direct effects of an event or not, they still affect us in some way, shape, or form. We then have to claim our responsibility as an active participant in society and share some accountability in the successes and the shortcomings that come with that. And finally…we have to start having the hard conversations—with family, with friends, with colleagues—in the form of civil discourse. We have to be willing to not only make our voices, opinions, and stances heard but also to allow the same for others. In my most recent interview with WVNN radio, I made the point that it is absolutely okay (and healthy!) to disagree with someone—completely and fervently—but we must not lose our empathy. That doesn’t mean not holding people accountable for their actions and that does not mean allowing people who have proven themselves to be toxic and harmful to stay in your life, but we have to make the effort. We have to try.

And although my show Alabama Politics This Week has certainly gone a long way to push me to express myself more openly and has forced me to discuss tough topics and have these hard conversations with those who may not agree with me some (or most) of the time, I am absolutely still a work in progress. But if the-year-we-shall-not-speak-of has taught us anything, it’s that we can do hard things. We must do hard things. Because I believe that until we start recognizing the humanity in each other and begin talking to each other in the form of civil discourse with the true intention of seeking understanding and common ground, what we are experiencing now—which is not normal—will almost certainly become so.

So consider this a challenge: start by discussing last week's attack with someone in your inner circle such as a close friend or a family member you trust and know will be willing to engage with you. Make sure to listen to them, even if they may not agree with your views—especially if they don't agree with your views—and then share yours. We all have different life experiences that have shaped us into who we are, whether it be because of our gender, race, affiliation, generation, family dynamic, religion, or culture, and we have so much to learn from each other because of that. I cannot guarantee that any agreements will be made or that every conversation will be fruitful or that it will even solve all/any of our problems, but I do believe that having these conversations—however hard they may be—will only serve to better us as people, as a society, and—hopefully—as a country.

Piercing the Echo Chamber

"The civil discourse we need will not come from watching our tongues. It will come from valuing our differences and the creative possibilities inherent in them."

— Parker J. Palmer

It's no secret that we are living in a politically polarizing and divisive time. Facebook friend lists are dwindling, more people are migrating to the silos (and news stations) that best fit their ideals, and those who aren't battling it out with others on the internet refuse to even broach the subject of politics. Our country has essentially drawn a line in the sand, crossed its arms, and said, "Not today (or ever), Satan." And I get it...because I'm guilty of all of that, too. After the 2016 election, I was rolling back my friends list like Walmart pricing on Black Friday. I've made the snarky comments online, I've avoided people in real life, and I sought sanctuary in my little blue bubbles.

And honestly, it was what I needed at the time. But just like anything in life, you have to make the choice—to stay dormant or to move forward. I was presented with this choice a month and a half ago when a friend of mine offered me up as a suggested guest on the show Guerrilla Politics. For those who aren't familiar, it's a local, weekly show hosted by Dale Jackson and Dr. Waymon Burke where they discuss all sides of local, statewide, and national political topics. I was terrified not only of the thought of being on television (hellooo anxiety), but also the idea of having to discuss—nay, debate—politics with someone who has strong opposing views (ahem, Dale) on said television. But with some encouragement from friends and family, I said yes. And...I survived. And not only did I survive, but I was then asked by Dale if I would be interested in trying out a guest spot on his daily morning radio show: The Dale Jackson Show.

Now I'm a firm believer in transparency, so I should have prefaced all of this by saying: I was not a huge fan of Dale's. I had never known him personally, but his on-air personality to me was—to put it kindly—off-putting. Before all of this, I had literally zero desire to listen to/watch his shows, much less meet the man. It was clear to me where he stood on most issues and who his main demographic was, and I could safely say I was not in that camp. But I thought if he was willing to have someone like me on his show, who was I to not afford him that same respect. So again, I said yes. And now I'm not only a weekly guest on The Dale Jackson Show (Wednesdays from 8-9 AM ;) ), but I had the opportunity to serve as Dale's guest co-host on this week's episode of Guerrilla Politics. Do we align perfectly on all things political? Not at all. But through doing the shows, I have found that we have way more commonalities and shared opinions than I ever would've imagined. We've had some interesting debates (#TeamDragQueens), but we've always remained respectful of one another. And he'll probably hate that I'm saying this (so don't tell him I said it), but...he's actually kind of a nice guy.

There's nothing wrong with finding "your people" and getting connected to issues and causes you to care deeply about, but try to maintain respect and empathy in your heart for those who may not fall into those same silos. I still believe it's perfectly acceptable to remove people from your life who you feel are toxic and/or don't add value to your life, but try to be mindful of whether you're purging people because they're truly toxic or just because they may not agree with you. And let's be real...I'm all for an occasional snarky comment when appropriate, but try to make sure it's not hurting your overall cause. Because let's face it, it's easy to sit in a room (or a Facebook group) where all of your ideals and opinions are echoed back to you—that's where the community and organizing happens. But if you want to change hearts and minds—and moreover the narrative of what others may have written for you and your beliefs—then you have to step outside of your comfort zone and into the unknown. You may be surprised to find a different perspective, a deeper understanding, and a more positive outlook for the future of politics and humanity in America. I know that I certainly have.

"Fight for the things you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you."

— Ruth Bader Ginsburg