Down for the Count

“…everything looks great…but…”

Here it was. The phone call I had been fearing for so long. Up until this point every scan, ultrasound, blood panel, and test had all come back with positive results…and yet every pregnancy test I took continued to come back negative. It didn’t make sense. You can only be told, “Everything looks great…that’s what we want to see…you’re exactly where we want to be at…” so many times until your stress and anxiety turn into frustration. If everything appears “as it should”, then why isn’t it happening? Then the phone call came…

I could immediately tell by the nurse’s tone that the news wasn’t good—you know, that tone where someone is trying to overcompensate by sounding almost too positive. She said, “Well, we got your bloodwork back, and your levels are good, your thyroid is good, and really everything looks great…but…” I held my breath and braced for the impact. “…we would ideally want your AMH number to be around 1.5 or above…and well…yours is a 0.48.” My heart instantly sank in my chest, and I could feel the tears burning in the corners of my eyes. What the nurse had just told me was my greatest fear—in layman’s terms, my ovarian reserve (egg supply) was significantly diminished. I struggled to hear what she said next…a mix of encouraging words and next steps, I think. I somehow managed to hold it together through the rest of the call, politely thanked her, and then upon hanging up proceeded to enter a full. on. breakdown.

I am someone who admittedly cries often—I cry when I’m sad…when I’m mad…when I’m frustrated… even when I’m happy—and I don’t know that I’ve ever wailed like I did in that moment. It was a validation of my anxiety, the actual manifestation of my greatest fear. After suffering my first miscarriage almost two years ago, those dark (and at the time unfounded) thoughts I had held in the back of my mind since I was a teenager that I would never be able to have children definitely began to fester, but this news felt like confirmation. And compounded with the fact that I just celebrated my 35th birthday, it felt like my window of opportunity for motherhood was shrinking by the second.

But (as my nurses and therapist continue to remind me) it is not hopeless. It may take more meds and tests and procedures and medical intervention, but there is still a chance. And in the throes of the depression and despair that this recent news has caused, that’s what I’m choosing to cling to. I have to. I’ve also realized that part of what I’m feeling is grief—mourning the life I had envisioned for myself…a life that included a “normal” conception and pregnancy…a life where I would possibly even have baby #2 by now. But as that is clearly not the path we were destined for, I am taking heart in the encouraging words of my family and friends—some of whom have fought similar battles—and the confidence of my nurses and doctors.

So, I may be down for the count, but I am most certainly not out. Not yet…

Maybe Next Year...

As I sit here taking in this beautiful, cool spring Sunday morning (which is a true anomaly here in mid-May Alabama), it seems almost offensive to be anything but joyous and at peace—and yet, here I am...crying into my coffee...where not even the warmth of the sun nor the coolness of the breeze are enough to dry my tears. Grief is strange in that way.

And even though I had anticipated these hard feelings today, it still doesn't ease the pain of what feels like a whole day dedicated to reminding me of something I am so desperately longing for and fear will never come. A social media feed full of sweet messages and pictures that makes me smile while simultaneously breaking my heart. And logically I know that this day is not a personal attack or some crazy conspiracy to get me down, but again...grief is strange in that way.

But I am also incredibly grateful for the many amazing women I have in my life who also happen to be phenomenal mothers and have taught and inspired me more than they'll probably ever know and who deserve to be celebrated today (and let's be honest, EVERY day). And of course, the pièce de résistance of motherhood (IMO), my mother, who truly should have a holiday dedicated to her alone. I cannot emphasize enough how impactful the women in my life have been on the woman I have become (and am still becoming) and the mother I hope to become someday. I love them...I respect them...I envy them. Grief is strange in that way.

Through this journey of infertility, I am learning every day just how complex we are as humans in our emotional capacities. Sadness and happiness can coexist. Joy and sorrow can coexist. Gratitude and jealousy can coexist. They can coexist because they must coexist. We have to allow ourselves permission and the space to process all of these feelings without guilt or shame, knowing that there is no wrong way to feel and no one emotion that defines us or a particular moment in our lives.

So as I take this gorgeous spring morning to process my feelings and sit in my sadness, I know that these feelings are not permanent and do not define me or this day...because tonight I will be genuinely and happily celebrating my sweet mama. I recognize that others also find today to be tough due to the loss of their own mothers or a strained relationship, and I don't ever want to take the time or the relationship that I have with her for granted.

If you are a mama, know that I am celebrating you.

If you have lost your mama/child or have a strained relationship, know that I am thinking of you.

If you, too, are struggling with infertility, know that I see you.

I don't know if I believe in speaking things into existence, but just in case: here's to celebrating Mother's Day 2022 as we had hoped we would be celebrating this year...as mothers.

The Breaking Point

“2020 has been my best and most favorite year yet!”

— No one, EVER

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that 2020 has been an absolute dumpster fire for most of us—I know it certainly has been for me.

Even putting aside my own personal issues, it feels like each day is worse than the one before. It's like as soon as we catch our breath from one catastrophe, another one comes along and knocks the wind right back out of us. I think that's part of what has made this year so hard—the relentlessness of it all. We have far surpassed #thestruggleisreal and seem to have advanced to a level I'm now referring to as #SWEETBABYJESUSWHENWILLTHISNIGHTMAREEND. I've had several people over the past few months ask me, "How do you do it? How are you keeping it together?!" The truth is...I'm not. I've had bouts of anxiety-induced sleep paralysis. I've had days where I hardly moved from one spot. I've cried and cursed more this year than I have the past five years combined—and for anyone who knows me, you know that's saying something. Real talk: when I got the news of RBG's passing, I legitimately laid on my living room floor for three hours and sobbed. A tad dramatic? Sure. But that's because—unbeknownst to me—I was just about to arrive to this week's final destination...my breaking point.

As most of you know, I co-host a weekly show called Alabama Politics This Week. On the show, we obviously discuss topics involving politics and current events, which you can imagine in this god-forsaken year has been an absolute treat. Normally I'm able to keep it together through the hour'ish it takes to film the show. But yesterday...yesterday was the first day where the topics we discussed fully triggered my (already elevated) anxiety. Thinking and talking about the loss of RBG and Breonna Taylor and 200,000+ Americans dead from COVID and the pure chaos that will undoubtedly ensue in November and the wannabe-dictator megalomaniac in the White House just...honestly broke me. It was as if each thought was causing a small spark inside my brain and I could feel myself imploding right there in slow motion and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I had finally succumbed to the weight of everything that 2020 had thrown my way and just let is wash over me like a tidal wave. But also like a tidal wave, that initial sense of drowning was immediately followed by a sense of calm. And I realized that—just like you—I'm still here.

So whether you're angry, cynical, frustrated, somber, scared, or any combination of those things, that's okay. We are all in survival mode at this point and sometimes just getting through the day is a victory. So if you've made it through this day and you're reading this right now, please let me be the first to remind you that YOU ARE DOING A FUCKING GREAT JOB.

And if you need to, take break. Feel those feelings. Take care of yourself. But then come back. Because we have to keep pushing forward. We have to keep fighting the good fight. There's too much at stake to give up now.

I always want to be honest and transparent here. Most days are tough, and nine times out of ten I'm driving the Hot Mess Express. So I promise you are not alone in your feelings, whatever they may be. It's crazy out there, and we still have three more months of this shitshow of a year. But we will make it through. So far we've survived 100% of our worst days...and I like those odds.

The Story of Tonight

“I may not live to see our glory, But I will gladly join the fight, And when our children tell our story, They'll tell the story of tonight...”

— Hamilton: An American Musical

If I have learned anything in my fairly short amount of time in the political sphere it's that it's hard. Whether you're the candidate, a staffer, or a volunteer, it is hard work—grueling at times and mostly thankless. And although I don't have much to compare it to, I think I can safely say that being a Progressive in the deep red South just might be the most challenging. We have long been written off, mocked, and/or ignored. We have been told there's no use in trying because the odds are stacked too high against us. And on the face of it, I can understand that argument. But if I may be frank...I call bull shit on that.

Have there been times where it has felt hopeless? Sure. More days than I can count. In Alabama during the 2018 election cycle, we ran many incredible candidates up and down the ballot—locally and statewide—that didn't win. I personally was fully invested in Amy Wasyluka's State Senate District 2 campaign as her Campaign Manager/Comms Director. We had the right candidate. We had the right platform. We had a great team. We had a genuine passion for what we were fighting for. We worked our asses off. And yet...we were still beaten by a 70-something flip-flopper with name recognition, tons of PAC money, little-no effort or platform, and a shiny new R next to his name. It's never fun to lose, but it hurts even more when you know you put in the work, were on the right side of the issues, and had the most qualified candidate for the job. (Also, if you're wondering if I will die salty about this...you bet your sweet bippy I will) As I said before, politics is hard and not for the faint of heart...especially if you're a Democrat in Alabama.

BUT...on the flip side of that, being a Democrat in Alabama inherently makes you special. Not only are you someone who adheres to Progressive values, but you are also someone who is willing to fight that good fight, again and again, even when it seems impossible because if not us, then who? And if not now, then when? We have to start somewhere. We have to be the catalysts for change to not only create a better future for our families and communities now but also to inspire and pass the torch to a new generation of Progressives and activists in our communities.

“Raise a glass to freedom, Something they can never take away, No matter what they tell you, Raise a glass to the four of us, Tomorrow there’ll be more of us, Telling the story of tonight...”

— Hamilton: An American Musical

So on that note, I want to acknowledge the many people I know who have put themselves out there to run for office in order to bring positive change to their communities, and I want to give even greater acknowledgment to the unsung heroes of these campaigns—staff and volunteers—who put in a tremendous amount of time and energy for little to no compensation. But we don’t do it for the money…we do it because our families and neighbors and communities are worth fighting for, to make them the best they can possibly be. We do it because sometimes the hard thing and the right thing are the same.

So win, lose, or draw, know that the work you’ve done—and hopefully continue to do—matters. Through your campaigns you have engaged those who had been disengaged, you have given hope back to those who had lost it, you have represented those who had felt underrepresented or unheard, and you have brought issues to light that had been ignored for far too long. THAT. MATTERS.

For those who have won their races, CONGRATS! I know you will represent us well!

For those who have advanced to a runoff or whose election is upcoming, KEEP PUSHING!

For those who may have fallen a little short, I hope you will give yourself due credit, allow yourself grace, and—after you’ve gotten a few decent nights of sleep—continue the work.

Because although it is not easy, it IS necessary…and so incredibly worth it. Every time we put ourselves out there, we move the needle...we chip away a little more...we add a few new cracks to the glass ceiling. Remember: victory isn't always measured by an out-right win, so take heart in knowing that you have made a difference. And I for one am proud of you and look forward to continuing the fight alongside you. So until then, let’s have another round tonight...

The Social Distancing Diaries

We keep hearing it over and over again, and I know we are feeling it also: these are historic and unprecedented times we are in. In my short 33 years, the only points of reference I have are 9/11 and the 2008-2009 recession...and it feels like those two things combined and multiplied to the nth degree. This is one of those moments in time that will be written about in history books...that we will tell our grandchildren about...that will affect how we see and move through the world for the rest of our lives—The Pandemic of 2020.

I started jokingly tweeting about my #SocialDistancingDiaries, but the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of keeping a "digital diary" during this time to help process my feelings, to bring a little levity to these uncertain times, and to look back on years from now. (Or for some alien civilization to find in case this whole thing goes to hell in a handbasket and life as we know it ceases to exist. I kid, I kid.) This will just be my personal experience with a little bit of outside news sprinkled in. I'll continue to update this weekly as it goes on, so feel free to check back in every now and then. And if you feel like it, leave a comment below and share your personal experiences during this bizarre time!

MARCH 14TH - DAY 1:

Okay, it's starting to feel unsettling. Maybe it's because yesterday was Friday the 13th? Although every day this year has kind of felt like Friday the 13th, honestly. I think today needs to be the day that we start quarantining. The groceries have been bought and a new water filter has been purchased. All that's left now is a manicure...because #priorities. [Yesterday they announced the first known cases of COVID-19 in AL (6), declared a state of emergency, and shut down schools until April 6]

MARCH 15TH - DAY 2:

So I've been trying to find new shows to watch during this quarantine downtime, and I just discovered 'Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist'. I'm overjoyed, because it's filling this gigantic GLEE-sized hole in my heart. But I'm also pissed at everyone I know for letting me sleep on this show for this long. *resumes binge*

MARCH 16TH - DAY 3:

I think I'm going to take advantage of this time and do a lot of self-care. I wonder how many face masks are too many in a day?And this will be a great opportunity to get back to meal-prepping and doing some at-home workouts! I'm going to come out of this quarantine in the best shape of my life!

MARCH 17TH - DAY 4:

The sun is finally out! You don't realize how much you need and appreciate fresh air and sunshine until you're literally confined to your house. Taking the pup for lots of walks, which is great for both of our mental health and moods.

Speaking of mental health, I did leave the house to visit my therapist, but it's a small office and we practiced responsible social distancing and disinfecting. My anxiety and I have never been more thankful to have an angel of a therapist than right now. Oh, and for the record...Vanessa Hudgens is trash and has always been trash.

MARCH 18TH - DAY 5:

First day doing the radio show with "social distancing" in mind. Instead of driving into the station, they just had me call in and participate in the conversation. Which was wonderful. But now I'm wondering...why the hell have I been driving my ass all the way to Athens this whole time?

This afternoon I received an email from my gym informing me that it will be providing access to Les Mills on-demand classes at no additional cost until further notice! Now just waiting for a follow-up email that has some motivation attached.

Also, today the hubs learned he would need to file for unemployment, as he literally cannot do his job with everything being shut down. But worse than that...he just went to the store to get #QuarantineSnacks, and for my "sweet snack" he brought me back...pop tarts?? POP TARTS. But not regular pop tarts, no…BLUEBERRY pop tarts. We may not survive this after all. [Today the AL Runoff Elections were officially postponed until July 14]

MARCH 19TH - DAY 6:

Today I recorded audio of my TV show at the radio station (because the show must go on, right?); suffered an insane stress headache (or a hangover from last night’s wine...who knows....I’m not a doctor); and screamed at my TV when “breaking news” ruined an entire episode of Jeopardy!—so I guess you could say I'm thriving.

MARCH 20TH - DAY 7:

We have officially survived Week 1 of #QuarantineLife. And because all we've basically been doing is looking at screens for the past week, hubs and I opted to have a screen-free date night. After spending an hour of trying to figure out what that means or looks like, we decided to bust out of our bubble and brave the rain and the 'rona by going to Walmart to find a game or two that would be fun for two people. They were closed...it was 8:30PM. Driving back to the house and seeing how dark and empty all of the parking lots and streets and businesses were on a Friday night made it sink in a little deeper and feel a little more real. Thankfully Sonic's drive-thru was still open, so we settled on some ice cream, adult beverages, and a bunch of card games that neither of us had played in years. We listened to music and talked and laughed, and it was everything that my soul needed in these weird-ass times. And I have never been more thankful for this quarantine partner of mine. [In AL, the total number of confirmed cases has now surpassed 100 (106).]

MARCH 21ST- DAY 8:

Well, today I baked, cooked dinner, (willingly) talked on the phone for a full hour, AND cleaned my kitchen…twice. So basically I’ve officially reached the “who the f**k am I even?” phase a lot sooner than anticipated. Oh, and that whole Day 3 idea of "coming out of this quarantine in the best shape of my life!" Yeah...that was a nice thought... *resumes eating third ice cream sandwich*

MARCH 22ND - DAY 9:

People are starting to do all of these “tag 10 people challenge” posts where they are tagging friends on social media to see what they're doing, how they're handling quarantine, and asking them to share pics of their cute pets. I’m truly loving all of these posts to help us feel more seen and connected to one another…but I put out a warning that if any of these assholes tag me in the "push-up challenge", I’m blocking their ass. That’s just rude.Oh, and for the record...Sen. Rand Paul is trash and has always been trash. [In AL, the total number of confirmed cases has reached 150.]

MARCH 23RD - DAY 10:

The new DOOM game was released today, and I wonder how many relationships this is currently saving? I'm also realizing that this quarantine means that my 45-supporting relatives now have pleeenty of downtime to troll my posts. Sweet 6lb 8oz baby Jesus, give me strength.

Also also...reeaally wishing we had bought more toilet paper...

MARCH 24TH - DAY 11:

(AKA "The day I had to actually look at a calendar to know what day it is") In our house today…Working human (me) got out of bed at 7:45 AM; Non-working human (hubs) got out of bed at 9:45 AM; The freeloader (the pup) got out of bed at 10:45 AM. They’re both so very lucky they’re cute.

Also had my first "Telehealth" appointment with my therapist (which is what we will continue to do until further notice), and I again am feeling so incredibly thankful to have her during these tough times. [Birmingham issued a stay-at-home order (as a 24-hour curfew) effective March 24 to April 3.]

Oh, and thanking the Universe for Tim Send. #HashtagTheCowboy

MARCH 25TH - DAY 12:

Today I decided to start my own challenge. In spite of the chaos and uncertainty happening in the world right now (and my elevated levels of stress and anxiety), I am choosing to shift my focus to one of the few things I do have control over—my perspective. So I decided to create this challenge not only for myself but also to encourage others to focus on and share what they're grateful for over the next 7 days.

Today was also my baby brother's 31st birthday. Since he lives in Indy and my family is practicing proper social distancing, we decided to set up a virtual birthday get-together via Zoom with my brother's household, our household, and my mom's household...and I have truly not laughed til I cried like that in so long (mostly due to us spending the first 10 minutes trying to explain to my mom that she needed to hold the phone waaay further away from her face, and then her finally getting frustrated by not knowing how to turn it off and just shutting her phone in drawer...with the Zoom still on. LOL). I miss my family so much, but I'm so thankful for today's technology.

Oh, and I sent an open letter to my elected officials via Resistbot urging them to ACT NOW by issuing a "shelter-in-place" for the state of Alabama. (You can imagine how well that didn't work.) [In AL, the total number of confirmed cases jumped to 386 from 219. The number of people tested is 2,812. The first death in the state is reported in Jackson County. Tuscaloosa issued a city-wide curfew, lasting from 10:00 PM until 5:00 AM each day, effective March 27 to April 3.]

MARCH 26TH - DAY 13:

In a press conference today, Governor Ivey said that she would not issue a "shelter-in-place" order. She was quoted as saying, "Y’all, we are not Louisiana, we are not New York state, we are not California…Right now is not the time to order people to shelter-in-place." Meanwhile, it has been reported that from March 22-26, 59,783 Alabamians filed for unemployment, as well as 500 cases of COVID-19. So while we're talking about "things we're not," you, Gov'nah Meemaw, are in fact NOT a good leader.

Silver-lining was having a delightful (virtual) happy hour on my back patio with some of my fave women and a large tequila drink. My soul is feeling restored once again. I miss my friends.

MARCH 27TH - DAY 14:

(AKA "the day that my husband threatened to cut me off from our Amazon account") If this in fact happens, I will consider it an act of war and therefore cannot be held responsible for the repercussions. #TheyMayTakeAwayOurLivesButTheyllNeverTakeOurPrime

Since we had officially survived our second week in quarantine, we decided to call a truce and ended up having a really lovely "quarantine date night". He cooked some bomb-ass steaks, and we queued up "Tiger King" on Netflix. On a related note: WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS?!

MARCH 28TH - DAY 15:

Anyone who knows me knows that I am no cook/baker, nor do I aspire to be such. (Which may seem strange for someone who loves few things more than eating) But since this #quarantinelife has begun, I have managed to successfully cook some meals like chicken parm and Asian stir fry, but today...today I reached what will most certainly be the pinnacle of my cooking/baking mastery: I made a delicious, grandma-approved banana nut bread from scratch! Even the hubs liked it, and that's truly saying a lot. So now I'm just stress-eating this bread and waiting for Food Network to holla at me and green-light my new baking show. [Gov. Ivey still refuses to issue a Shelter-in-Place order, because of course.]

MARCH 29TH - DAY 16:

Going into this third week of social distancing, and this weather is truly saving my mood and my soul. Our backyard has always been one of my favorite parts of our home, but I have never truly appreciated it until now. To be able to just sit outside and work or enjoy a cup of coffee while listening to the birds chirp and watching the squirrels build their nests has been an unexpected joy these days. There's just something about a beautiful, calm Sunday morning that makes you believe that everything really will be okay...

Another highlight from today: I got to have a (wine-filled) Zoom call with some of my dearest, OG friends from high school, and it was most definitely good for my soul. I love my people.

MARCH 30TH - DAY 17:

Since this quarantine time, days are starting to run together. (I think I read somewhere that they've completely done away with the traditional week, and now it is just "yesterday", "today", and "tomorrow") But for those of us who are (very fortunately) still working, Mondays are still kind of a bummer. So today, the hubs and I took my lunch break to explore this little hidden gem near our home called Beaverdam Boardwalk. It was a great way to get some fresh air, be in nature, and break up the day in a different and spontaneous way. (10/10 recommend)

Again...hitting Week 3 of quarantine over the weekend here at House Handback, and honestly, it’s been harder trying to stay upbeat. The gorgeous weather has certainly made a difference, but music has always been something that’s helped cheer me up, forced me to have a good cry, and made me dance til I drop it too low. (#thisis30) One of the things I loved most about being a spin instructor was getting to make themed playlists for my rides, so I thought this was a fantastic opportunity to curate my own PANDEMIC PLAYLIST. I'm normally not one to toot my own horn, but uhh...*toot toot, y'all*

MARCH 31ST - DAY 18:

AKA March 867 (Seriously...has this felt like the longest month literally ever or what?!) I'm clearly starting to lose it, because I have found myself down a rabbit hole of cutesy survey FB posts and "this or that" IG stories. Ugh. Even I'm starting to become annoyed by myself.

I had a virtual appointment with my therapist, which again is a privilege in and of itself. We talked about how I was coping during these trying times, and I told her that in spite of my anxiety disorder, I'm actually doing fairly well...and I think it's because I feel like having had anxiety for as long as I can remember, I'm feeling some sort of weird comfort that the rest of the world seems to have caught up with me/is now on my level. Obviously, I don't wish for that or this stupid pandemic, but I think that may be what's keeping my anxiety from spiraling. (That and therapy + CBD gummies) I told her I was trying to stay focused on the positive, and she commended me for that but also reminded me that's okay—nay, encouraged—to still allow myself to feel those sad/scary/heavy feelings. And with that sage advice, I had the hardest, most cathartic cry I've had in a long time. Still trying to celebrate the little joys in life, but also remembering (especially in this scary time) that it's okay not to be okay.

I did learn a new survival skill today though...I successfully removed my SNS polish and gave myself an old-fashioned manicure. I'M A SURVIVOR, Y'ALL.

APRIL 1ST - DAY 19:

Gotta be honest...today I was on the lookout for any jackwagon who thought it would be cute to actually participate in April Fools' Day today. No sign of one yet, fortunately. I think we can all agree that April Fools' Day is canceled this year.

Oh, and the hubs’ #quarantinecrazies are in full force. So many silly/goofy antics followed by him (very dramatically) exclaiming: “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!” Really empathizing with all my friends with small children right now.

I also may have taken my therapist's advice a little too much to heart. I may or may not have watched this video 20+ times and spent half my day lip-syncing along while sobbing at my desk. I'm fine. Really...I'm fine.

But to end this on a high note, today was the day that we found out Chipotle now delivers to our house. Our lives will never be the same again. [In AL, COVID-19 cases reached 1,000 cases, according to the ADPH. 24 total deaths were reported with 17 confirmed. Still no Shelter-in-Place order has been issued.]

APRIL 2ND - DAY 20:

AKA The first day ya girl has put on real pants during this quarantine time. (Verdict is in: buttons/zippers are most definitely for the birds. #teamelasticwaistbands)

We're still recording the audio version of Alabama Politics This Week (because the show must go on, right?), and today I got to do my first solo interview with ADP Chairman, Rep. Chris England. I'm still battling severe anxiety and Impostor Syndrome, as well as trying to build my confidence. Writing is so much easier for me. This audio/visual medium with one-takes and time restraints honestly sucks. Trying to give myself grace, but this paired with the weight of now living in The Upside Down is feeling heavier and heavier.

Also today Governor Meemaw did a Twitter Q&A that she will undoubtedly regret based on the responses I'm seeing. The support for a Shelter-in-Place order seems to be incredibly (and semi-shockingly) bipartisan, and yet she STILL refuses to commit to it, stating: "Each state has to weigh their own set of factors. I’m in communication with local, state & federal officials on a daily basis. We are taking a measured approach to keep Alabamians healthy, safe & working, wherever possible." I had some feelings about that...Like, lots of feelings...

My super cute co-worker is really helping to keep my spirits up though. (Although she can be kind of a bitch sometimes...)

APRIL 3RD - DAY 21:

Holy hell. Three full weeks. I honestly wasn't sure if we were going to make it to this point. But here we are. Today was kind of a shitty day at the office, but again...at least I was able to make my back patio my "office" for the day. My heart has also been panged by empathy and guilt this week. Hearing these stories from friends and loved ones (and even strangers) who are really feeling the effects of this pandemic—whether it’s how hard (or non-existent) their jobs are right now, having some of their loved ones contract the virus, owning small businesses that are suffering, or managing a household of children while still trying to survive mentally/emotionally themselves. It really is getting harder. Life hasn't been a walk in the park for us during this time, but I am constantly reminded of just how lucky we truly are. And I am equal parts grateful and guilt-ridden for that.

And I'll be damned...Gov. Meemaw *finally* issued a Stay-at-Home order (if you can even call it that) for the entire state of Alabama. I wonder if it had anything to do with the inundation of requests for this during her lame and performative Twitter Q&A yesterday? Better late than all of us dead, I guess?

Despite my terrible mood, the hubs had the great idea to order curbside from a local place, catch up on Jeopardy! (Alex Trebek is a national treasure, and I will not be judged by you!), and play our version of "beer pong" and card drinking games whilst jamming out to my sweet Pandemic Playlist. Nothing like some sweet tunes, beating your husband at cards, and a little (read: whole lotta) tequila to turn your attitude right-side up.

APRIL 4TH - DAY 22:

Today was a day of discovery: I had been asking for a new series rec that I could invest in (you know...since we have time to do that sort of thing now), and I remembered several people telling me that I would love the show The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. One episode in, and I'm obsessed! To make it better, the hubs actually enjoys watching it, too...which is nice, because honestly the only thing we can agree on to watch together is Jeopardy!, and well...that's a lot of pressure to put on Sir Alex Trebek.

Oh, and I also learned that my tequila tolerance has lowered in my 30's, but my susceptibility to hangovers is at an all-time high.

APRIL 5TH - DAY 23:

Well, today I reached new level on the Pandemic Scale...I have started having quarantine dreams. I'm usually one who hardly ever remembers their dreams, but last night I dreamt that a friend of mine and I were meeting up at random locations trying to find toilet paper...and once we found a place, we could only buy single rolls at a time...and I may or may not have knocked down an old lady in a walker to grab three more rolls. Wonder if this means I'm in the process of losing it or if I've already mostly lost it...?

Today we also had to break down and groom Trixie. This may not sound like a big deal to most, but what you may not know is: she normally has to be fully sedated in order to be groomed. In the past we had tried wearing her out before taking her to the groomer...giving her Benadryl...and even having our vet give her a mild sedative beforehand. Nope. Apparently, our girl is (as our groomer lovingly put it) "a mean drunk." So you can imagine why we would be so reluctant to undertake this task. BUT with a few tricks, a little Benadryl, and a whooole lot of patience (read: taking turns cursing and calming the other person down), we were able to shave her back-end and trim her face. And I have honestly never felt more accomplished or deserving of the tequila drink I swore off just this morning...

APRIL 6TH - DAY 24:

I have still managed to avoid learning a TikTok dance and/or trimming my bangs…and I may have just Jedi mind-tricked my husband into getting (nay, wanting!) an Instant Pot. Am I winning quarantine?!

APRIL 7TH - DAY 25:

Today the heaviness of what's happening is feeling more real by the day. The hardest part of all of this has been knowing how much some of my friends and loved ones are suffering but not being able to do a damn thing about it...not even hug them or hold their hand.

Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Thank god for therapy.

Oh, and today Gov. Meemaw—along with several local faith leaders—launched a “Ribbons of Hope” campaign to remind everyone to pray for medical personnel and first responders. She did this by parading around in front of the capitol (and photographers) NOT socially-distanced from these other people whilst tying giant, tacky ribbons to trees. Like, I fully support the message (I mean, truly bless these frontline workers...all of them), but FFS you cannot issue a Stay-At-Home Order and expect people to take it seriously when they see you're out and about doing your performative political photo shoot bullshit. Uuuggghhh.

APRIL 8TH - DAY 26:

I've still been taking lots of walks around our neighborhood which have become quite the highlight of my quarantine days. Today was different though. We have lived in our home for almost two years now, and I have maybe spoken to 3-4 of our neighbors. But today it seemed like almost everyone was out on their front lawns playing, riding bikes in their driveways, doing yard work, barbecuing, or just sitting on their porch...and I kid you not, I had 5 full-on conversations (at an appropriate social distance) with neighbors and waved/said "hello" to maybe a half dozen more. It was so strange, yet so beautiful...like something out of Pleasantville.

Also...how is that will all this craziness going on we still have to get our periods?! Rude.

APRIL 9TH - DAY 27:

Today was our fourth show recording via social distancing, and honestly...I much prefer it this way. Although I may be taking the whole "doesn't matter what I look like, because I'm not on TV and no one can see so who cares" attitude a little too seriously.

The hubs also made a trip to the grocery store, but against my (repeated) insistence, he did so WITHOUT A LIST. And I hate to even admit it, but...he actually brought home a pretty good haul—even securing the bag! (AKA he got that white gold...TP)

Despite it being a pretty decent day (and my "Friday" no less), I still have this bad mood I've had a hard time shaking. So I decided to crank up some QuaranTunes and clean my kitchen, and wouldn't you know it...I immediately felt better. I guess this really is who I am now...

APRIL 10TH - DAY 28:

Today I was (thankfully) off work, so I talked hubs into going on a hike with me on Monte Sano Mountain. Trails and sunshine and waterfalls...talk about food for the soul. ("Alexa: Play 'Waterfalls' by TLC")

Downer for the day: I (along with what appeared to be millions of others) was bamboozled into believing that the original cast of Hamilton was going to perform all of the songs from the musical via YouTube live (#HamAtHome). Good news...now that it's out there, it may actually come true! (Let us pray to the Broadway gods...) [In AL, there have been 3,274 confirmed cases and 89 deaths]

To All the Dems I Loved Before

“If by a ‘Liberal’ they mean someone who looks ahead and not behind, someone who welcomes new ideas without rigid reactions, someone who cares about the welfare of the people-their health, their housing, their schools, their jobs, their civil rights and their civil liberties-someone who believes we can break through the stalemate and suspicions that grip us in our policies abroad, if that is what they mean by a ‘Liberal’, then I'm proud to say I'm a ‘Liberal’.”

— John F. Kennedy

Well...we somehow managed to make it to 2020. We have survived 29+ (serious?) declared Dem presidential candidates, 12 (interesting?) debates, and a whooole lotta social media posts (rants?) re: who our best bet is to win back the White House in November. And now Super Tuesday is upon us...

For some, determining who their #1 candidate is has been a journey. For others, they've been ride-or-dies since day one. Some have flip-flopped...some have made complete 180's...and (shockingly) some are still undecided. And though many see this as a problem—the fact that there's not one candidate that everyone wants to back—I get it. We all know that there is no such thing as a perfect candidate, but all of the candidates who have entered this race bring something different and meaningful to the table.

So to honor that (and to have a little fun), I thought I would create my own 2019-2020 Democratic Presidential Yearbook Superlative List:

• MOST LIKELY TO STAND UP TO THE NRA / MOST LIKELY TO PLAY THE ROLE OF PRESIDENT ON CBS' NEWEST PRIME TIME DRAMA: Rep. Eric Swalwell

• MOST GOOD VIBES / MOST LIKELY TO MAKE YOU GO "HUH?": Marianne Williamson

• MOST LIKELY TO STICK IT TO TED CRUZ / TINIEST MOUTH: Sen. Michael Bennet

• MOST BIPARTISAN / MOST SWOLE: Rep. John Delaney

• TALLEST / MOST LIKELY TO DEMONSTRATE HOW NOT TO EAT NY STYLE PIZZA: Mayor Bill de Blasio

• BEST CLIMATE CHANGE ADVOCATE / MOST LIKELY TO BE CAST AS CAPTAIN PLANET IN THE TV SHOW REBOOT: Gov. Jay Inslee

• MOST LIKELY TO WANT TO GRAB A BEER WITH / MOST UNFORTUNATE NAME: Gov. John Hickenlooper

• BEST LABOR & UNION SUPPORTER / MOST FORGETTABLE: Rep. Tim Ryan

• MOST LIKELY TO BRING U.S. TROOPS HOME / MOST LIKELY TO BE THE INSPIRATION OF A FUTURE DISNEY VILLAIN: Rep. Tulsi Gabbard

• MOST IMPROVED POLICY STANCES / MOST LIKELY TO WIN AN ARM WRESTLING MATCH: Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand

• MOST LIKELY TO SUPPORT DREAMERS / MOST LIKELY TO PULL A "PARENT TRAP": Julián Castro

• ES MÁS PROBABLE QUE HABLE EN ESPAÑOL / BEST OLLIE: Rep. Beto O'Rourke

• BEST STYLE / MOST LIKELY TO MAKE A SUPREME COURT JUSTICE NOMINEE CRY: Sen. Kamala Harris

• MOST LIKABLE BILLIONAIRE / MOST LIKELY TO BACK THAT AZZ UP: Tom Steyer

• MOST PET-FRIENDLY / BEST DAD JOKES & SICK BURNS: Sen. Cory Booker

• BEST MATHLETE / MOST TECH SAVVY: Andrew Yang

• MOST HEALTH CONSCIOUS / MOST LIKELY TO MAKE ME SIGN AN NDA AFTER PUBLISHING THIS BLOG: Mayor Mike Bloomberg

• MOST LIKELY TO GET A BILL PASSED / BEST BANGS: Sen. Amy Klobuchar

• MOST (NON-POLITICALLY) ACCOMPLISHED / BEST ROBOT-DANCE MOVES: Mayor Pete Buttigieg

• BEST MODERATE / BEST SHOULDER MASSAGES: VP Joe Biden

• MOST CONSISTENT / BEST LARRY DAVID IMPRESSION: Sen. Bernie Sanders

• MOST LIKELY TO HAVE A PLAN FOR THAT / MOST LIKELY TO MAKE A BILLIONAIRE CRY: Sen. Elizabeth Warren

In all seriousness, these candidates have dedicated their lives, sacrificed quite a bit, and opened themselves up to relentless scrutiny during this race all in an attempt to do what they could to push this country forward and make it better for us—for all of us. And regardless of whether you're a fan or not, that at the very least is to be admired and respected. I don't yet know who our nominee will be, but I do know that those still left in the race (and those we have lost along the way) all have the ability to realign our moral compass, inject a necessary level of empathy back into our humanity, and help shape a better and brighter future for everyone from the least of these to the marginalized to the middle-American.

I encourage you to vote for who you feel best represents you and your issues. Don't let polls or concerns of "electability" dictate your decision—people are only unelectable if you don't vote for them. But I do hope that regardless of the outcome of this primary, you will join me and #VoteBlueNoMatterWho on November 3rd. Don't give into the division, and don't lose sight of what really matters. The job of these candidates is to present their best case for why they should lead this country, and our job is to make sure one of them secures that position—and our job starts tomorrow. So let's get to work...

Oh, and for what it's worth...if you reeaally want to know who is MOST LIKELY TO WIN MY VOTE ON SUPER TUESDAY: it is absolutely and most definitely Senator Elizabeth Warren.

Piercing the Echo Chamber

"The civil discourse we need will not come from watching our tongues. It will come from valuing our differences and the creative possibilities inherent in them."

— Parker J. Palmer

It's no secret that we are living in a politically polarizing and divisive time. Facebook friend lists are dwindling, more people are migrating to the silos (and news stations) that best fit their ideals, and those who aren't battling it out with others on the internet refuse to even broach the subject of politics. Our country has essentially drawn a line in the sand, crossed its arms, and said, "Not today (or ever), Satan." And I get it...because I'm guilty of all of that, too. After the 2016 election, I was rolling back my friends list like Walmart pricing on Black Friday. I've made the snarky comments online, I've avoided people in real life, and I sought sanctuary in my little blue bubbles.

And honestly, it was what I needed at the time. But just like anything in life, you have to make the choice—to stay dormant or to move forward. I was presented with this choice a month and a half ago when a friend of mine offered me up as a suggested guest on the show Guerrilla Politics. For those who aren't familiar, it's a local, weekly show hosted by Dale Jackson and Dr. Waymon Burke where they discuss all sides of local, statewide, and national political topics. I was terrified not only of the thought of being on television (hellooo anxiety), but also the idea of having to discuss—nay, debate—politics with someone who has strong opposing views (ahem, Dale) on said television. But with some encouragement from friends and family, I said yes. And...I survived. And not only did I survive, but I was then asked by Dale if I would be interested in trying out a guest spot on his daily morning radio show: The Dale Jackson Show.

Now I'm a firm believer in transparency, so I should have prefaced all of this by saying: I was not a huge fan of Dale's. I had never known him personally, but his on-air personality to me was—to put it kindly—off-putting. Before all of this, I had literally zero desire to listen to/watch his shows, much less meet the man. It was clear to me where he stood on most issues and who his main demographic was, and I could safely say I was not in that camp. But I thought if he was willing to have someone like me on his show, who was I to not afford him that same respect. So again, I said yes. And now I'm not only a weekly guest on The Dale Jackson Show (Wednesdays from 8-9 AM ;) ), but I had the opportunity to serve as Dale's guest co-host on this week's episode of Guerrilla Politics. Do we align perfectly on all things political? Not at all. But through doing the shows, I have found that we have way more commonalities and shared opinions than I ever would've imagined. We've had some interesting debates (#TeamDragQueens), but we've always remained respectful of one another. And he'll probably hate that I'm saying this (so don't tell him I said it), but...he's actually kind of a nice guy.

There's nothing wrong with finding "your people" and getting connected to issues and causes you to care deeply about, but try to maintain respect and empathy in your heart for those who may not fall into those same silos. I still believe it's perfectly acceptable to remove people from your life who you feel are toxic and/or don't add value to your life, but try to be mindful of whether you're purging people because they're truly toxic or just because they may not agree with you. And let's be real...I'm all for an occasional snarky comment when appropriate, but try to make sure it's not hurting your overall cause. Because let's face it, it's easy to sit in a room (or a Facebook group) where all of your ideals and opinions are echoed back to you—that's where the community and organizing happens. But if you want to change hearts and minds—and moreover the narrative of what others may have written for you and your beliefs—then you have to step outside of your comfort zone and into the unknown. You may be surprised to find a different perspective, a deeper understanding, and a more positive outlook for the future of politics and humanity in America. I know that I certainly have.

"Fight for the things you care about, but do it in a way that will lead others to join you."

— Ruth Bader Ginsburg

History in the Making

"Take a stand for what's right. Raise a ruckus and make a change. You may not always be popular, but you'll be part of something larger and bigger and greater than yourself. Besides, making history is extremely cool."

— Samuel L. Jackson

I woke up this morning with what I can only describe as a "Democracy Hangover"...

Yesterday the Alabama State Democratic Executive Committee held its much-anticipated meeting to create new diversity caucuses, remove its current "leadership", and elect a new Chair/Vice-Chair. If you're not familiar with what led to this monumental meeting, first read this earlier post for reference and context. And as dramatic as the lead-up to this moment has been, you could not have written what transpired just hours before the meeting occurred.

On Friday (at 5:00 PM no less) Montgomery Circuit Judge Greg Griffin granted an injunction filed by Nancy Worley et al. that would essentially cancel the meeting. But just as The Reformers were starting to lose hope, an appeal was filed and the circuit court ruling was stayed by the Alabama Supreme Court. The meeting was back on! And then if all of that weren't crazy enough, later Friday evening Nancy accidentally butt-dialed someone from The Reformers and the 45+ minute conversation between Worley and Joe Reed (the Minority Caucus Leader) was live-streamed on Facebook...and let's just say it was not favorable to their cause. (They even did a rough transcription of the call, because it's so unbelievable, you have to hear it AND read it for yourself—bless you Cara McClure!)

So after this roller coaster of a Friday, I showed up at the Convention Center in Montgomery on Saturday morning (after hyping myself up with lots of caffeine and Hamilton) honestly not quite sure what to expect. I of course was feeling hopeful, but I couldn't help but hold just a tad bit of cynicism (and a whole lot of anxiety) in my heart. After all, the previous SDEC meetings I had attended had all been next-level shit-shows. But those negative thoughts were immediately dashed as soon as I entered the Youth Caucus room—it was FILLED with young people (#demkids). And not just young people, but diverse and impressive and from all over the state. The energy in the room was electric, and I was genuinely overcome with emotion as I sat listening to them one-by-one give their 30-second pitches as to why they wanted to be elected as at-large Youth Caucus members. Unfortunately, we couldn't elect them all, but we were able to add 48 superb new Youth members—39 of which were African American—as well as electing members to the newly-created Native American, Hispanic, Asian/Pacific Islander, and LGBTQ+ Caucuses. THIS is what the Alabama Democratic Party is supposed to look like and represent!

As soon as the caucuses were in place, we gathered downstairs in the main hall for the commencement of the meeting of the full SDEC body. Once a quorum had been established (108 members who were elected prior to this day), it was showtime. It was noted that neither Worley nor Kelly nor Reed were present, although Nancy may still be at home trying to figure out how cell phones work. (#blessherheart) The meeting began with a unanimous vote to adopt the minutes from the October 5th (DNC-approved, Worley non-approved) meeting, as well fill a handful of vacant House District seats. Then—one by one—each caucus presented its slate of new at-large members which were all accepted unanimously and greeted with a standing ovation as they received their credentials and joined the rest of us on the voting floor. It was truly a sight to behold.

Then came the moment we had all been waiting for...the vote to remove Nancy Worley as Chair and Randy Kelly as Vice-Chair. Initially, the motion to remove them was put to a voice vote, but at the wise suggestion of Senator Vivian Figures and the majority vote of the body, it was moved to a roll-call vote. Now, with now 172 voting members present, this becomes a looong and tedious process. But I will say this—getting to verbally shout-out “YES!” in favor of removing Nancy Worley as Chair was one of the most satisfying things I have ever done in my life. And after a unanimous vote (172-0!), it was done: "Nancy Worley and Randy Kelly have been removed as Chair and Vice-Chair of the Alabama Democratic Party." And the crowd ERUPTED. We had done it...we had actually done it.

https://twitter.com/_LifeOfLisa_/status/1190684767517327360?s=20

Now came the next part...electing a new Chair and Vice-Chair. The nominees who had declared their candidacy prior to the meeting were Dr. Will Boyd, Rep. Chris England, and Tabitha Isner. Let me preface this by being forthright and stating my biases regarding this topic—I was #TeamTabitha all the way. That's not to say I was against any other candidate. Both Dr. Boyd and Rep. England have done countless things to better the ADP and represent it and its values well. But in my personal opinion, Tabitha impressed me not only with her incredible run for Congress in 2018, but also with her six months of hard work to help unite our party, recruit at-large members, and make this November 2nd meeting happen. She had earned my vote. But honestly, the beauty of this election was that there was no bad choice.

After some compelling speeches from all three candidates and a roll call vote, Rep. Chris England was declared the Chair of the Alabama Democratic Party (England-104; Isner-63; Boyd-4). This in itself was a historic moment—Rep. England was the first African American elected as Chair of the ADP. After a well-deserved standing ovation, Rep. England took his place to head the remainder of the meeting. The next item on the agenda was the election of the Vice-Chair. (FYI: Per the ADP bylaws, the Vice-Chair must be the opposite gender of the Chair...so in this case, since the newly elected Chair was male, the Vice-Chair would have to be female) There were two women who had declared their candidacy for Vice-Chair prior to the meeting—former Rep. Patricia Todd and Dr. Adia Winfrey—and Tabitha Isner was nominated from the floor. Isner declined the nomination, because (in her words): "I would like for the Chair to have the Vice [Chair] that he wants, so I respectfully decline."

#sdec #alpolitics #alpol 😳😳😳 pic.twitter.com/egYu7UB7JZ

— Lisa Handback (@lisahandback) November 2, 2019

After another roll call vote, Patricia Todd garnered 113 of the 141 votes cast, thereby becoming the new Vice Chair. Patricia Todd, having already made history back in 2006 when she became the first openly gay representative in Alabama, had now added her name in a big way to this historic moment. After the election of Caucus Chairs, a few more motions were brought to the floor—most notably a motion to end the lawsuit filed when Worley was Chair and prohibit any more money from being spent on the attorneys in that case, as well as a motion to add a Disability Caucus as soon as possible but no later than 2022—both of which passed unanimously. Finally after a total of 8.5 hours, the meeting was closed out with some encouraging words from Senator Doug Jones (who had been present all day, as well as DNC representative, Harold Ickes).

It has been a trying 15 months to say the very least. I have personally felt beaten down, discouraged, mortified, furious, frustrated, and a myriad of other unpleasant emotions over these past few months. But this time...this moment...it felt different. It was different. We had proven that not only a quorum of the body wanted change...wanted a better Democratic Party...but we showed up and we demanded that change...we were that change. We let it be known loud and clear and unanimously that we wanted a more diverse and inclusive and forward-thinking Democratic Party. We rallied...we showed up...and we voted. I know there are a few more battles ahead of us, as Nancy has already stated to AL.com that she has not conceded in her role as Chair. But I also know this...

After being surrounded all day by Democrats of all ages, races, backgrounds, and walks of life who are passionate about putting in the work to rebuild this party, what we have done these past 15 months, what we did this weekend, and what we will do in the weeks and months ahead fighting this battle will all be worth it. It won't be easy, and it won't be pretty...but then again when has making history ever been?

Point of (dis)Order

"A house divided against itself cannot stand."

— Abraham Lincoln

Whew. Where to begin? I suppose at the beginning...

After diving head-first into local politics almost 3 years ago, I decided at the beginning of 2018 I was going to take an even bigger step in "being the change I wish to see" by running to represent House District 10 on the Alabama State Democratic Executive Committee. I had been warned by previous/current SDEC members that it was quite the cluster, but I thought, "What better reason to get involved and help the Party progress!?" After the election of Senator Doug Jones, my level of hope for Democratic politics in Alabama was at an all-time high with dreams of turning this crimson red state into a light shade of purple. That hope was shaken back in August of 2018...and those dreams were nearly dashed 2 days ago.

I won't dive into the details of what led to the October 12th meeting, but some fellow young SDEC members and I wrote an open letter on the importance of this meeting and urged all SDEC members to attend this past Saturday. Upon arrival, it was very clear that this meeting would not be going smoothly—the tension in the air was thick and the emotions were already running high. Roll call was done, which showed that 161 members were in attendance (which notably included House Minority Leader, Rep. Anthony Daniels, Rep. Laura Hall, Rep. Chris England, and Sen. Vivian Figures). The meeting (which started 30+ minutes late) kicked off with some bizarre ramblings from Chair Worley (Shriners concession stand breakfast hot dog, anyone?), a request for the paper signs to be put down (because it was a "potential safety risk"?), and (one of the few positive notes of the day) a recognition of the historic elections that recently occurred in Montgomery and Talladega. But—as you can imagine—the positivity was very short-lived.

Several SDEC members began calling for a Point of Order, as well as a Point of Inquiry—requesting her to state which set of bylaws this meeting would be operated under (the old, non-DNC approved bylaws or the DNC approved bylaws which were voted on by the SDEC on October 5th and accepted)—all of which Chair Worley blatantly ignored. After many attempts to ignore and skirt around the Point of Inquiry, Chair Worley finally stated that she did not acknowledge the (DNC-approved and legally called) meeting held on October 5th as legitimate and that the current meeting could be operated under both sets of bylaws. This outrageous statement unsurprisingly sent the room into an uproar and was met with a motion to immediately adjourn. The roll call vote on the motion to adjourn: 73-YES; 88-NO. The chaos would continue...

Again several Points of Order were called—one specifically asking how much of the Party's money has been spent in legal fees defending the Chair and Vice-Chair against the many recent challenges (which, FYI: ~$200,000)—and again, Chair Worley flagrantly steamrolled them. That is until Vice-Chair Kelly called for a motion to postpone the minutes of the October 5th meeting indefinitely, a moment which aroused confusion and, frankly, laughter. Because as Rep. England eloquently pointed out, this motion would mean that the ADP "leadership" is in fact acknowledging AND validating the meeting that occurred on October 5th and the business that was conducted within it. From what I could discern from the debate that followed, that motion was (temporarily) tabled.

Another much-needed bright spot of the meeting was the announcement of numerous and amazing accomplishments of Alabama Young Dems this past year—although it was somehow not acknowledged by the Vice-Chair of Youth Affairs and had to be brought up as a motion to correct the record (shout-out to James Parker, Jr. - HD28). In hindsight, I believe it was this very moment that retained what little hope I had left and fueled me through the rest of the meeting (that and the two very large coffee drinks I consumed that morning). And it was desperately needed. Because what happened next was a level of shit-show I was not prepared for...

The DNC—oh, excuse me—TOM PEREZ sent a letter to Chair Worley on October 9th clearly stating that the bylaws voted on and passed on October 5th had been validated by the DNC Rules and Bylaws Committee and that those should be the bylaws under which all meetings going forward should be operated, as well as no vacancies should be filled until the November 2nd meeting. As you can imagine, Chair Worley gave two giant middle fingers to those instructions and not only conducted business under her bylaws but also moved forward with filling several vacancies. More Points of Order and motions to adjourn were simply ignored. But the ultimate "F U" moment came when Matthew Brown - HD21 made a motion to have DNC representative, Harold Ickes, speak to the Committee, and Chair Worley stated that "there would have to be a unanimous vote for a non-member to speak", and wouldn't you know it...there were a few objections from the Committee, so Mr. Ickes was not allowed to speak. I repeat—A MEMBER OF THE DNC WAS NOT ACKNOWLEDGED OR ALLOWED TO ADDRESS THE COMMITTEE.

During the umpteenth roll call vote—this time on whether to substitute the bylaws (which ones, I'm still not even sure)—I took this opportunity to meditate, eat some chips, and watch the kickoff of the Alabama v. TAMU game. At this point, the mental break was honestly welcomed and very much needed. Once the bylaw substitution vote passed (I believe substituting the non-DNC approved bylaws for the DNC approved bylaws), Vice-Chair Kelly motioned for the (previously voted on and DNC approved on October 5th) November 2nd meeting to be canceled and instead held on November 16th...maybe?? But again, this would be acknowledging and validating the October 5th meeting and all of the business discussed and voted on as a result—which was in complete contradiction of the claims of illegitimacy made by Chair Worley and Vice-Chair Kelly himself. What is real...what is valid...what is legitimate...what the hell is happening??

At this point, the room, completely consumed by animosity and division, erupted into total anarchy—screaming, name-calling, and more calls for Points of Order and motions that (shockingly) were ignored. I honestly couldn't tell you what was said by Chair Worley in the last two minutes of that meeting due to the pure chaos that had ensued, except the word "ADJOURNED" echoed loud and clear over the speaker. And that was it. We were dismissed. Four and a half hours of pure pandemonium, and all I was left with was embarrassment, disappointment, confusion, and an overwhelming amount of sadness.

I have been a Democrat all my life—even before I knew what it was or what it meant. I want to uplift, empower, and support those of marginalized communities and those who also want to do all they can for the betterment of the collective. I want elections like that of Senator Doug Jones, Mayor-elect Steven Reed, and Mayor-elect Timothy Ragland to be the norm, not an anomaly. I want to leave my community, my state Party, my world better than I found it. As a young(ish) person, I constantly hear, "Yay a young person! Where are the rest of you? Why doesn't your generation care about what's going on?!" And on the surface, that seems like a fair question. However, after witnessing firsthand the atrocity that was the October 12th meeting, how could anyone in their right mind—much less the youth—want to involve themselves in such ridiculousness? Moreover, we (Millennials and Gen Z) are trying to finish school and establish careers and start families and pay bills and be activists whilst a majority of us are being crippled by student loan debt paired with low-paying jobs, and quite frankly we do not have the time nor the patience to engage in this kind of bullshit. But even in those moments when some of us attempt to pull up a chair and join the conversation, we are then swiftly patted on the head and told to go sit at the kiddie table to wait our turn.

I don't know what the future holds for the SDEC or the Alabama Democratic Party as a whole—only time (and the DNC) can tell us that. But I know this much...this state is full of hardworking, smart, talented, dedicated, and all-around badass progressive young people who want to move the Democratic Party and the state of Alabama forward. Our futures and those of our children are most at stake. So my suggestion to those who, too, want these things would be to drop your decades-old grudges, step aside, and allow space for people of our generation to make the significant contributions that we know we have the potential to make. Otherwise, you can fully expect my fellow young rabble-rousers and me to build our own damn table...and you can't sit with us.

My Take on the Third Dem Debate

GRAPHIC COURTESY OF FIVETHIRTYEIGHT.COM

Whew. After a semi-exhausting first two rounds (and four total nights) of debates, I was excited to take in this pared down round of front-runners, where they would have more of an opportunity to get down to the "nitty gritty" of some of the issues, as well as address other issues that had been neglected in previous debates.

Here are my humble views on how Round 3 went down:

Round 3:

Sen. Bernie Sanders — Nothing new to report here, really. If you err on the side of optimism, he was consistent. If you don't, he was predictable. Although regardless of where you stand on the issue of Medicare For All, Sen. Klobuchar's quip, "While Bernie wrote the bill, I read the bill," paired with Mayor Pete's comment, "The problem, Sen. Sanders, with that damn bill that you wrote and that Sen. Warren backs is that it doesn't trust the American people," definitely landed hard and helped make a case for those with a more moderate/centrist position regarding healthcare.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren — Per usual, I felt she was solid in the beginning, but then seemed to almost disappear for most of debate. Her opening and closing statements were the strongest and most balanced, and she certainly connected with me (and I'm sure many other Millennials) when she spoke on the student debt crisis and the high costs of childcare.

Mayor Pete Buttigieg — Like Sen. Warren, I felt as though he faded into the background for a large chunk of the debate, but when he did speak, he delivered some solid talking points and made the most of his time. His highlights to me were when he called for his fellow candidates to stop using the platform to score political points (we're all looking at you, Castro) and his closing statement, which was heartfelt and resonated with anyone who has a soul.

Beto O'Rourke — Ok, so...I still not planning to catch a ride on the "Beto Bandwagon" anytime soon, but I would be lying if I said he didn't have a good night. After the tragic mass shooting occurred in his hometown of El Paso a few weeks ago, he came out the clear winner on the topic of gun control with a bold and fiery exclamation, "Hell, yes, we're going to take your AR-15, your AK-47!" paired with the accolades he received from some of his fellow candidates on his stance and outspokenness on the topic. And I, too, give him kudos for his advocacy on this incredibly important issue. (But if you think I've forgotten about the Round 1 Debate, you would be incorrecto)

Sen. Amy Klobuchar — Like Beto, I found her performance this round to be a big improvement upon the earlier rounds. She (both literally and figuratively) read Bernie for filth regarding his Medicare For All bill, as well as put up a strong defense of her record when it was called into question. And her personal story regarding her work to enact the 48-hour maternity hospital stay rule in Minnesota really resonated with me. But also like Beto, I am still not "All About Amy" just yet.

Sen. Kamala Harris — She definitely had a different strategy going into this round, which was clearly to focus all of her critiques on the current administration as opposed to her Dem opponents. And with several comments made throughout the debate about "infighting", this appeared to be a good move on her part. (But did anyone else grab some popcorn and pray for mercy on Ol' Joe when the topic of race came up again?) She seemed very relaxed this round, too, even landing some pretty funny jokes with her opening statement and her comparison of 45 and the Wizard of Oz (“You know, when you pull back the curtain, it’s a really small dude.”) Oh, and her closing statement somehow kicked up some dust in my living room... #imnotcryingyourecrying

Julián Castro — BRUH. I had actually begun to like him more and more, round by round, but his performance this time was ROUGH. His blatant and overzealous attack on Biden was cringe-worthy, and it only benefited Joe by making him appear more sympathetic. (I mean, come on, Julián, he's somebody's grandpa!) I personally think he's vying for a VP spot, so maybe this was part of his plan?? (Because let's be real...I would pay a pretty penny to see him go in on Pence like that on a debate stage)

Andrew Yang — Whew. Ok, so...like Castro, I too had started to become a fan of Yang's the more I heard from him. I felt he brought an interesting perspective and had some great policy ideas. BUT...between his icky Asian stereotype "joke" and his gimmicky promotion of his Freedom Dividend plan, he certainly didn't do himself any favors. I honestly don't think I could sum up his performance any better than Mike Drucker did on Twitter, so I'm just going to leave this right here.

Sen. Cory Booker — I felt this was another solid night from Sen. Booker. His multiple references of his experiences in his community and neighborhood felt sincere and humble. And Sen. Harris wasn't the only one who came with jokes—I'm still giggling over his wisecrack about Trudeau's "menacing" hair. Being the first to chastise Castro for his attack on Biden while still holding Joe accountable for the things Castro was calling him out for definitely scored him some points. (But whether those points will reflect in the polls remains to be seen)

VP Joe Biden — I've got to be honest...he performed well this round. Aside from his continued efforts to cherry-pick his involvement with the Obama administration, the strong defense of his attacks paired with the support he received from his fellow centrists (and again, the mercy showed to him by Kamala regarding race) allowed him to not only garner the most talk time but also come out as one of the top performers.

Final Thoughts:

Overall, I enjoyed this debate. I would personally like it to be pared down even more, but I was still able to get a better feel for these candidates and see aspects of them I hadn't yet before.

One of my biggest "CONS" was the lack of diversity in which candidates were asked questions. Although I know there's no way to ensure that they all get exactly equal talk time, I feel that much more could be done by the moderators to see to it that there's a more level playing field. (After all, we are Democrats, right?) Another big "CON" for me: again, this debate was dominated by the topic of healthcare. I mean, don't get me wrong...healthcare is obviously one of the most important issues America is facing today, but sweet Democratic baby Jesus, there have been so many critical issues that have yet to have much (if any) discussion on the debate stage. For example: the economy, equal pay, abortion rights, maternal health, family leave, domestic violence, mental health, education, childcare, student loan debt crisis, criminal justice reform, marijuana legalization, LGBTQ+, sexual harassment, etc. etc. etc… "PRO"(ish): Was it just me, or did everyone suddenly shift from giving Obama hell last round to kissing his as...err...feet this round? (My guess is Michelle made a couple of phone calls after that last debate to check some people, remind them of who the hell they are, and gave them some "notes" for this round) Regardless, I'm glad everyone's back on #TeamObama.

Thanks again for reading my thoughts on this third round of debates. What were your takes on my rundown? What did you think were the biggest hits and misses of this round? I would love to hear your thoughts!

If you'd like to read my takes on the previous debates, you can do so here:

Dem Debate Round 1

Dem Debate Round 2

My Take on the Second Dem Debate

GRAPHIC COURTESY OF FIVETHIRTYEIGHT.COM

Alright...here we are again. ROUND 2. I felt like the first round of debates was more of a warm-up with the candidates in feeling out the debate stage, their opponents, and what the viewers would respond to most. My hope for the second round (aside from less candidates, which clearly didn't happen) was that some of the candidates would come out strong on their stances and make attempts to separate themselves from the pack—some did, some faded into the background, and some are possibly still on the debate stage in search of their political careers.

So here it is—my takeaway from Round 2:

Round 2, Night 1:

Sen. Bernie Sanders — He came dressed in his best pair of sassy pants, and I was here 👏🏻 for 👏🏻 it 👏🏻 . He had some great zingers + sound bites, and he definitely held tight to the left with his progressive messaging.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren — I felt she was extremely strong throughout the night on all topics this round, and her Mortal Kombat ending of Delaney was more than epic. She’s my declared winner of the night. #FinishHim

Mayor Pete Buttigieg — I thought he was solid and did an excellent job leveraging his age as a strength, when most would perceive it as a weakness. And his lines about structural democratic reform and “Repubs will call us crazy socialists no matter what, so let’s just stand up for the right policies” were definitely shining moments for him.

Beto O'Rourke — Well, he was better than the last round, but that’s not saying too much. (¿Cómo se dice…"meh"?)

Sen. Amy Klobuchar — I found her to be stronger and more confident this round as well. She has some good policy ideas, but I just don’t think she’s a candidate people can get really excited about (including myself).

John Hickenlooper — I still stand by my statement that he should be disqualified for his name alone.

Rep. Tim Ryan — In the words of our Lord Ariana Grande: #thankunext

John Delaney — R.I.P. Swole Daddy

Marianne Williamson — I'm shook just typing this, but she did well. Like, shockingly well…to the point where I thought momentarily I might be the crazy one…that is until her closing statement. #CareBearStare

Gov. Steve Bullock — He won’t win the nomination, but he could always try for a career in beauty pageants and/or soap operas.

BONUS: Jake Tapper was definitely "that friend" in middle school who would secretly 3-way call you to try and get you to talk shit about your other friend on the line.

Round 2, Night 2:

Sen. Kamala Harris — She was strong and polished, but I felt like she didn’t bring the same level of intensity this round as she did the first (maybe it was muted by the others who raised theirs?). Also, as much of a fan as I am not of Gabbard, her call-out of Harris’ record stung. Still think she’s a strong contender regardless.

Rep. Tulsi Gabbard — Did y’all know she was deployed to Iraq?! Ok, in all seriousness, I sincerely appreciate her service to our country…and I would also appreciate it if she continued that service in Congress.

Gov. Jay Inslee — He did just as expected and harped mostly on the climate crisis. And there IS a climate crisis…but the world is also figuratively on fire with so many other issues that we have to address. You can’t come off as a single-issue candidate and expect to go far. Another #thankunext

Sen. Michael Bennet — Sweet, sweet Michael Bennet. I know you are more than your abnormally tiny mouth and Muppet voice, but it is incredibly distracting from anything you’re saying. I truly cannot.

Mayor Bill de Blasio — From attempting to moderate the debate himself to trying to pass the buck on the Eric Garner issue, he sucked👏🏻it👏🏻up👏🏻. More like de BLAHsio…de BlasiNO…de BlasiGO…DUH Blasio…(thanks folks, I’ll be here all night) 🙋🏻‍♀️

Julián Castro — I felt he had a great night, and I am becoming more and more a fan of his the more I hear from him. I'm hoping he's able to qualify for the September debates.

Andrew Yang — Ok, so he has no chance at winning (obviously), BUT…the man has some great ideas AND is hilarious. I’m glad someone like him is in the mix to bring a different perspective to some of these big issues. I am very much here for the #yanggang.

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand — Girlfriend was snatching wigs AND sponsors! (#clorox) Straight out the gate she came off much stronger and more fierce than last round. She’s not in my top tier currently, but I feel like last night she showed a different side of herself and gave her campaign a much-needed boost. Not sure if it will reflect in the polls, but BRAVA!

Sen. Cory Booker — CLEAR WINNER. Even though he is known for being a great speaker, I was still surprised by how well he performed: talked policy, went on the offense and called others out when necessary, called for unity among the candidates when things started getting messy, and—like Gillibrand—probably snagged himself a new sponsor (#koolaid) along with one of the best lines/sickest burns of the whole round.

VP Joe Biden — Has anyone checked on Uncle Joe since last night’s ass whoopin’? Sweet baby Democratic Jesus. I’m interested to find out if the other nine candidates made a pact prior to the debate to go IN on him collectively. It was hard to watch at times. I felt like he defended himself the best he could given the circumstances (and definitely got the most screen time because of it), but some of the blows landed REAL hard and I truly think will hurt him going forward. And he certainly didn’t do himself any favors with his greeting of Harris pre-debate or his seemingly senile closing statement. Siiiiigh #malarkey

BONUS: All in all, it was a very spirited debate, but I HATE the whole first hour was almost exclusively focused on healthcare with lots of other potential topics being left out. Looking forward to the next round being pared down in candidates and amped up in varied issues. Oh, and Jake “Regina George” Tapper still sucks.

Thanks for reading my humble thoughts on this second round of debates. I'm interested to see who will make the cut and qualify for the next round, and I'm excited to have the field more narrowed down. Did you agree with my rundown? What did you think were the biggest hits and misses of this round? I would love to hear your thoughts!

If you'd like to read my take on the previous debate, you can do so here:

Dem Debate Round 1

My Take on the First Dem Debate

Graphic courtesy of FiveThirtyEight.com

Like millions around the country, I found myself glued to my TV to take in what was sure to be an interesting night (err...nightS) of debate between the twenty qualified Democratic candidates all vying to become the 46th President of the United States.

And also like the millions watching, I had some opinions about it. There was a lot to take in (and by that I mean entirely too many damn candidates), so in the interest of time and attention span, here is my abbreviated takeaway from Round 1:

Round 1, Night 1:

Julián Castro — He was my clear winner for night one. He was prepared, but genuine…showed as experienced, but not super-establishment…asserted himself without being obnoxious…and pushed the other candidates on some of the issues, especially immigration.

Sen. Elizabeth Warren — I felt like she started strong and finished strong, but there was a serious lagging in the middle. Being the first one out of the gate hitting Medicare For All definitely scored her some solid points.

Sen. Cory Booker — He definitely flexed his strength as an orator and had some solid policy points, but his speaking on the opioid crisis paired with his baggage with Big Pharma didn’t sit well with me.

Mayor Bill de Blasio — The only shining moment for me was when he pointed out the misplaced blame of America’s problems on immigrants instead of big corporations and the 1%. Of which I concur.

John Delaney — #swoledaddy

Gov. Jay Inslee — I'm sorry...who??

Sen. Amy Klobuchar — I truly, truly hate to say this about a fellow woman, but…I found her to be bland and borderline obnoxious. I did feel she got one or two good talking points in, and her call-out of Inslee on the topic of women's rights was equal parts glorious and hilarious!

Rep. Tulsi Gabbard — I have complete and utter appreciation for all service men & women and vets, but I think she misused what little time she had constantly talking about her service instead of actual policy. Also, that reminder of her early non-support of LGBTQ+ issues definitely hurt her. But her call-out of Ryan on the Taliban/Al-Qaeda comment made me literally LOL.

Beto O'Rourke — Pandering. Word Salad. Cringey. Or in Beto’s words: "No bueno."

Rep. Tim Ryan — #boyBYE

Round 1, Night 2:

Sen. Kamala Harris — WINNER by a mile. She was strong and measured while making some exccellent policy points. She also took great control over the race conversation and in the process #AryaStark’ed the hell out of Uncle Joe.

Mayor Pete Buttigieg — He did as well as I had expected. He, too, made some good policy points, and his line: “We’ll have no idea who he’s pissed off more by that point” was a great LOL moment and a personal highlight of the night. And although I feel that he handled the question regarding the recent South Bend police incident fairly well, it still leaves the question of, “Why wasn’t/hasn’t more been done to prevent this?” unanswered and will potentially hurt his run in the end.

Sen. Bernie Sanders — I’ve never been a big fan (don't @ me, Bernie Bros), but I’m also not a hater. I felt he was predictable and used his time to drive home his main talking points. Not a negative necessarily, just…predictable.

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand — She did well, but she was immensely overshadowed by Harris. And although I appreciate her attempt to address women’s issues, it was so rushed and talked over by some of the other candidates that it didn’t land as strongly as it could have.

Andrew Yang — I love a good wildcard, and I’m seriously considering donating to his campaign just to hear more from him.

Sen. Michael Bennet — The only thing worth remembering is his comment about not being able to get anything done in Congress til Cocaine Mitch is gone. Also #DitchMitch.

John Hickenlooper — Should be disqualified by name alone.

VP Joe Biden — #AryaStark'ed

Marianne Williamson — #CareBearStare #WITAF

Rep. Eric Swalwell — When you actually manage to out-cringe Beto. He was definitely tonight's #boyBYE.

Thanks for reading my humble thoughts on this first round of debates. I for one am certainly looking forward to how things develop over the coming months and these future debates. Did you agree with my rundown? What did you think were the biggest hits and misses of this round? I would love to hear your thoughts!

It's Okay Not to Be Okay

"If we start being honest about our pain, our anger, and our shortcomings instead of pretending they don’t exist, then maybe we’ll leave the world a better place than we found it."

— Russell Wilson

Nervous. Anxious. Unsure. Scared. Embarrassed.

The waiting room had the sounds and smells like that of a spa, but I was anything but relaxed. In the few minutes I sat waiting, I contemplated jumping up and running out of there as fast as I could so many times.

"Do I really need to be here? Is this truly necessary? I mean, no one's making me be here, so I should just go."

At that moment, a lovely woman with the warmest expression opened the door and gently called my name. I somehow managed to gather myself up and cross the hall into her office and onto the couch.

You see, I had been contemplating therapy for years but had always come to the conclusion that all-in-all, I was okay. In my mind, there was no super-traumatic experience...no devastating loss...no abuse...which I interpreted as "okay." It almost felt silly to me the idea of seeing a therapist—not because I haven't had my fair share of sadness and loss (I have) or that I don't think mental health is incredibly important (I do), but because I never saw my problems or issues or feelings as "that bad." I essentially had what I like to call the "Kourtney Kardashian mentality"—as in when it comes to the rest of the world's problems, mine sort of pale in comparison.

But after years of encouragement from one of my best friends and some recent "ah-ha" moments, I decided to finally take the leap, and here I was.

I had no idea what to expect. We started out making small talk—standard get-to-know-you chitchat and comments about the weather. Then it started to get real: she asked me about my goals and what I wanted to achieve through our time together, and I started to feel the panic set in.

I had filled out a form previous to our meeting that asked that question, and I had written down some fairly vague answers: "Better my relationships" ... "Process my feelings in a healthier way"...etc. But I hadn't really considered why I was going or what I was wanting to get out of it in the end. Again, I thought I was "okay" and my life was "okay" and everything was pretty much "okay," but then I opened my mouth to answer, and it happened...word vomit. I honestly couldn't even tell you what I said if I wanted to. It felt almost like an out-of-body experience, spewing all of these feelings and tears onto this poor woman. It was like a switch had been flipped inside of me, and I couldn't turn it off.

After rambling on for what seemed like hours, she kindly informed me that our time was up, but that she would like to see me again...once a week for the next few months. I stood there half-stunned, half-confused. I smiled and nodded as she discussed available dates, but in my head, I kept repeating, "But I'm okay...I'm okay...I'm okay...??"

I stood up, gave her a half-hearted "thank you", and walked out of the door to my car. I sat there for a moment, trying to process what had just happened when I suddenly felt this wave come over me—and I let out the most guttural, cathartic scream I have ever heard, much less produced, followed by uncontrollable sobbing. And that's when I knew...

I. was. not. o. kay.

So I went back, and week after week—slowly but surely—I could feel things shifting. And then, just a few weeks ago, I had a major breakthrough: it turns out the awful thoughts and feelings I had been experiencing most of my life that I had chalked up to as "normal" were in fact quite the opposite. Stress, work, politics, #life—albeit contributors—were actually not the cause of the moderate/severe progression of these thoughts and feelings in recent years.

Turns out I have severe anxiety.

Now, younger Lisa would have immediately thrown her defenses up, argued her case, and found every excuse to explain away the notion that there may be something "wrong" with her...that she wasn't "okay." But not now. In that moment, I felt this enormous weight lift, and I cried at its release—but these tears were different. These were tears of relief...relief in finally putting a name to the cause of the negative thoughts and feelings that I had accumulated and which had plagued me for so, so long. In a sense, it felt...freeing...

Because it's only when you can identify an issue—whether it be with your physical health, a relationship, or your mental health—that you can truly begin the process of healing it.

It has now been 120 days since I started my journey to better mental health, and I still have such a long way to go. It has been hard and, at times, downright painful. But my only regret thus far is that I didn't seek help sooner. I write this not only as a way to externally process my feelings or because it is #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth, but also as an encouragement to anyone out there to not suffer in silence. Your feelings and experiences are valid. Full stop.

It's okay not to be okay...but it's not okay to not live your life as fully, beautifully, and freely as you deserve. And I wish nothing less than that for myself...and for you.

IF YOU NEED HELP FINDING A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL, THIS WEBSITE IS A GREAT RESOURCE AND HELPED ME FIND MY THERAPIST.

Just Say "Yes"

“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

— Dale Carnegie

Yesterday's MY BODY, MY CHOICE rally was brimming with so many emotions: anger, excitement, fear, courage, frustration, hope. So many amazing people of all genders, races, religions, ages, identities, backgrounds, cultures, and walks of life showed up at Butler Green to have their voices heard and to stand in solidarity with one another—friends and strangers alike—and it was truly a thing of beauty.I was fortunate enough to have the opportunity to speak at this event. And although I still hold the same beliefs on this issue today that I have my whole life, 10 years ago...5 years ago...hell, 2 years ago, I would have never had the courage to speak publicly like this. (Fun fact: I would have failed my public speaking class in college if it hadn't been for A) it being a summer class; B) my professor's pity.) But when asked, I said "yes"...because saying "yes" has been what has gotten me to where I am today.Before 2017, I had zero political background, zero political experience, zero political education. I had no reason to believe that there was a place for me in this world or that I had anything to contribute to it. But I was lucky to have amazing people believe in me, and when opportunities presented themselves, I then had the audacity to believe in myself and say "yes."I say all this to tell you that not only are politics vital to all of us, but also there is a place for you, too, in this realm—there is a place for all of us. And there needs to be. It doesn't matter your age or experience or where you come from or your level of education—your perspective and ideas and voice are needed and necessary.And that was the message I wanted to convey yesterday—one that would encourage you to also step outside of your comfort zone and find ways to get involved. Because you have it in you and the opportunities are there...you just have to say "yes."

Below is the text of MY SPEECH, as well as links to local/statewide progressive political organizations to help you find your place and how you can get involved.

"Today we’re going to be hearing from some incredible advocates and activists, but I’m here to talk to you all about the political aspect. Now, I don’t want to stand up here and bore you with a bunch of numbers and data—that’s not my style—but I have to cite these very important ones: The female population in AL: 51%Do you know what the percentage is of female members of the AL House? 17%And the percentage of the female members of the AL Senate? 11% Just think about that for a second: 51% population, but only 17% and 11% representation. Advocacy for reproductive rights is incredibly vital—but so is supporting and electing candidates who will listen to those advocates and implement the policies that will support reproductive rights. This means supporting PROGRESSIVE candidates. And more specifically, supporting progressive FEMALE candidates. And even more specifically, supporting MARGINALIZED female progressive candidates. We saw a huge rise nationwide in progressives, women, women of color, and LGBTQ+ persons running for office last year. And here in Alabama, we, too, saw a rise in progressive, women, and women of color candidates running for office—locally and statewide. I was actually lucky enough to act as the campaign manager for the amazing Amy Wasyluka’s State Senate campaign. And the data shows that in a community when women are uplifted and empowered, the community as a whole thrives. And when progressive women are elected to office, they put forward and support legislation that supports and protects women. If I could encourage you to do anything today, it would be to not let the fear of not knowing about politics keep you from getting involved. I promise you—no one knew less about politics than I did 2½ years ago. You don’t have to come from a family of politicians or have a degree in Political Science to be involved in politics, you just have to be a citizen of the world who cares about what’s going on in your community and a desire to make a difference. And there are SO many ways to get involved: You could run for office, or encourage a friend to run. If running for office isn’t an option, then find a candidate you support and volunteer for them. Get involved with a local political or activist organization. Support organizations like Persistence PAC and Emerge AL who are doing work to financially support and train progressive female candidates here in Alabama. Call, write, or meet with your representatives to let them know where you stand on this issue and hold them accountable. Remember: they. work. for. you. Talk to your family, friends, neighbors, coworkers about the issues you care about—like reproductive rights—and use your personal relationships and experiences to help them understand why it’s so critical and why they should support candidates who also find it critical. Make sure that you and everyone you know is registered. to. vote. Whether big or small, we all have a place in politics and a role to play—there is a place for you—you just have to show up. In closing, I want to leave you with this: Regardless of how messy and frustrating and overwhelming as it can be, we no longer have the luxury to not care when it comes to politics. Elections have consequences, and the passing of this abortion ban is proof of that. So I urge you, when you go home today—go home with a sense of hope, but also with a sense of purpose...go home feeling inspired, but also empowered to be the change...go home angry, but also with a plan of action. But please, PLEASE...do not just go home. Because hope and inspiration and anger without action is just that. Today we have proven in the most spectacular way what a group of empowered women and allies with a sense of purpose and a plan of action can do in a very short amount of time. We can be the difference—and if we keep fighting the good fight—we most certainly will be. Thank you."

• ALABAMA HIGH SCHOOL DEMOCRATS

• ALABAMA COLLEGE DEMOCRATS

• ALABAMA YOUNG DEMOCRATS

• MADISON COUNTY DEMOCRATS

• MADISON COUNTY DEMOCRATIC WOMEN

• GREATER HUNTSVILLE DEMOCRATS

• INDIVISIBLE ALABAMA

• FAITH IN ACTION ALABAMA

• TENNESSEE VALLEY PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE

• LEAGUE OF WOMEN VOTERS OF ALABAMA

• ALABAMA DEMOCRATIC CONFERENCE

• ALABAMA NEW SOUTH COALITION

• ORGANIZE ALABAMA

• PERSISTENCE PAC

• EMERGE ALABAMA

• RUN FOR SOMETHING

(Originally published May 20, 2019)

Finding My Voice in the Perfect Storm

"Let us have faith in each other. Let us not grow weary. Let us not lose heart. For there are more seasons to come...and more work to do." — Hillary R. Clinton

It's been one year. 365 days. 8,760 hours. 525,600 minutes. And when I think back on this time last year, those visceral feelings come rushing right back as though it were yesterday... The panic. The disbelief. The anger. The sorrow. I got caught in a tailspin of emotions and was left feeling hopeless.And then came the phone call from my grandmother—words which I will carry with me for the rest of my life: "Honey, I know you're sad. We all are. But you're only allowed to be sad for so long...then you have to do something. So what are you going to do?" I knew she was right...but I didn't have an answer. I had just turned 30 years old, and I had never been politically active in my life, nor did I know anyone who was. So I made the typical Millennial move—#GoogleIt—and there it was: Madison County Democratic Women. And that's where it all began...

Before I knew it, I was being embraced by this force and found myself saying "Yes!" to everything. I was busy—I joined several organizations and multiple committees. I was meeting people—I met so many people from different backgrounds and generations and walks of life that I probably never would have otherwise met. I was doing things I had never fathomed I would do—I marched. I protested. I put signs in my yard and magnets on my car and dedicated a portion of my closet to statement tees. I was feeling that force become a part of me...or was I becoming a part of it?

As I reflect back on this past year, it was most certainly a whirlwind. It was at times frustrating and stressful and even down-right maddening. But there were many more moments that were educational and inspiring and, honestly, just a whole lot of fun. I learned so much about the world and myself this year...from complacency and advocacy to apathy and empathy. I got to hear from people I greatly admire and even meet some of them. And I have formed some of the greatest friendships that I know I will cherish all the days of my life.

And in that reflection, I can't help but think about all the things that had to happen to get me to where I am today...to this very moment—from moving back home to work flexibility to the (hellacious) election to joining the right groups with the right people at the right time. You see, I had always had thoughts and opinions and ideas about the world and politics—but it wasn't until this perfect storm that I truly found my voice to put thoughts to words, and in turn, those words to action...

And I am then left wondering: "Is this a new version of myself that I have become?" or "Has this always been a part of me that I've just been too afraid to embrace?" Perhaps it's a little bit of both, but that doesn't really matter. What I do know and what does matter is that those feelings I was so deeply consumed by this time last year have been replaced with: panicCalm. disbeliefBelief. angerPassion. sorrowHope. Whether it was there all along or a recent discovery, I am better now than I was then. I still have so much more to learn and to do, but I am hopeful for the future and excited for this new season of my life.

I would encourage anyone reading this to not wait for some catastrophic occurrence to start caring or speaking out or doing something to better the world around you, but if it does—always keep your eyes, ears, heart, and mind open. Because who knows...you may one day find yourself caught up in your own perfect storm, and you don't want to miss your shot to find the voice you never knew you had. Now that I have found my voice, I don't plan on being quiet anytime soon...or throwing away my shot...

"...I’m past patiently waitin’ // I’m passionately // Smashin’ every expectation // Every action’s an act of creation! // I’m laughin’ in the face of casualties and sorrow // For the first time, I’m thinkin’ past tomorrow // And I am not throwin' away my shot...”

— Hamilton: An American Musical

(Originally published November 15, 2017)

I Can't Keep Quiet

"I write for those women who do not speak, for those who do not have a voice because they were so terrified, because we are taught to respect fear more than ourselves. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't."

— Audre Lorde

Let me start by clarifying something...

FEMINISM:

(n.) fem·i·nism \ˈfe-mə-ˌni-zəm\ 1) the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes; 2) organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests.

Ok, now that we've cleared that up...

Regardless of your personal feelings, this past weekend's Women's March was a historic HERstoric day—millions of women (and men) gathered together in solidarity across the nation AND world with the main focus being love, equality, and a willingness to stand up for what is right. I was fortunate to be a part of this beautiful movement, and I came home with this incredible high of empowerment and hope for a better tomorrow. And then, as it tends to do, reality set in.

I scrolled through my social media pages that were (gloriously) flooded with positive photos, articles, and stories about the Women's March on Washington and all of its sister cities...that was then abruptly and brutally cut by anti-March posts. I gasped. I couldn't wrap my mind around the concept of someone being AGAINST this movement—a peaceful, inclusive movement—especially those who were women.

.Why?! How?!

I could feel this tinge in my heart reading these words of disgust and disapproval. Questions began to swirl in my mind: "Do they not understand what this was about? That it wasn't ONLY about women, but also rights for LGBTQ+, immigrants, Muslims, working-class, poor, education, and the environment?? Do they not know the difference between 'whining' and 'activism'???"

With all of these thoughts bouncing around in my head, I decided to take the time to read and re-read these negative posts in order to gain some sort of perspective as to where these comments were coming from. I had to keep in mind that these people have the same right to an opinion and a voice that I do, and they, too, deserved to be heard. And after careful review and quite a bit of processing and reflection, this is my personal observation and understanding as to why these people feel that the Marches are wrong/unnecessary/anti-men/whining/pointless/etc.:

These individuals do not feel that they are victims and/or have not been victimized. These individuals feel that they are equal in every way. These individuals do not feel that any of their rights or freedoms are being threatened. These individuals feel respected as men/women and humans. These individuals have never felt discriminated against or marginalized. These individuals have never felt like second-class citizens. These individuals feel that because Americans by birth are given more freedoms than those of other countries, that should be enough. These individuals don't believe climate change is a pressing issue. These individuals are more concerned with economic issues than social issues.

Notice I did not say, "Those who didn't participate in or support the March are sexist, racist, homophobic, xenophobic, gun-toting, woman-hating, anti-feminists!" Because they are not one and the same. Just as those who did participate in these Marches aren't "men-hating, police-degrading, gay-agenda-pushing, handout-taking, godless baby-killing socialists" (to put it lightly, just based on things I've read). The main problem on this one particular matter isn't that one side is "bad" or "wrong"...the problem is that we don't understand each other.

If you are anti-March, I do not hold any ill will towards you—because I know the root of why is that you don't understand it. If you can relate/identify with the paragraph above, then I truly and sincerely congratulate you. I wish there were more people who felt the way you do. But unfortunately, there are not.

In fact, there are far too many who have felt victimized, discriminated against, threatened to have their rights and freedoms taken away, scared for their future/the future of their children/the future of the planet, and harassed solely for loving who they love or being who they are.

And with an administration that has built its platform on these very fears, the gesture had to be BIG and it had to be NOW.

And honestly, I myself identify with a few of those statements—as a straight, white, cisgender, middle-class, educated, American-born woman, that is part of my privilege. And there is nothing wrong with being born privileged (I repeat, there is nothing wrong with being born white/Christian/straight/American/privileged/etc.), as it cannot be helped...just as it cannot be helped to be born less privileged. The privilege itself is not what matters—what matters is what you DO with that privilege. And by that, I mean you essentially have two options:

1) you can use your privilege to help those less fortunate; or

2) you can live life under the motto: "If it's not a problem for me, then it's not a problem."

If you fall under the first category, then I think we're good here. If you fall in or around #2, then Imma need you to have several seats and listen up...

I get it. Truly, I do. Because I used to be like you: I used to live in my own little world and worry only about myself and those closest to me. "Racism isn't a thing anymore, right? I mean, I'M not racist, and I've never really experienced anyone else being racist. So...everything must be cool on that front."

And yet, I've never seen a million dollars in my life, but I'm pretty sure it's safe to say millionaires do exist. Let me put it to you this way... "OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND" DOES NOT APPLY HERE.

Just because you haven't personally experienced something, doesn't mean that it's not happening around you or that it's not a problem.

Have I personally experienced racism? No. But I have seen it firsthand and have had African-American friends tell me horror stories of situations that they have endured. Am I personally worried about having my marriage rights revoked? No. But I do worry that my best friend may lose his right to marry the man of his dreams. Do I personally fear being shipped off to another country? No. But I do fear for my friends who may have been born here, but risk losing their parents to deportation. I finally had my "wake up call"—hopefully this can help serve as yours.

Although there are things that I selfishly fear for myself (women's health, education, equal pay, etc.), this March was never about me...or you for that matter. This was about something far bigger than myself or any one person. This was about walking the walk. This was about taking a stand for something I have always believed in, but was either too apathetic or too afraid to speak up. But then I realized that feeling compassion and empathy is only half the battle—you also have to SHOW it. I know the world can be a scary place that can cause you to become cynical. And I know it's so much easier to sit in the comfort of your home behind your keyboard and criticize those who are actively trying to make a difference. But if you TRULY want this country to be great, you have to put in the work. You have to be willing to look past your front door, get out into the world, talk to people who aren't like you, and put out what you hope to receive.

These past few months have shaken me to my very core, and I have decided that I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...but I am going to change the things I can no longer accept.

I cannot accept injustice—and I won't. I cannot accept inequality—and I won't. I cannot accept hate speech—and I won't. I cannot accept "alternative facts"—and I won't. I cannot keep quiet—and I won't.

(Originally published January 23, 2017)

No Dress Code Required

"She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future."

— Proverbs 31:25

I'm not usually one for "social media rants/posts," so I decided to take my views to the blogosphere (also because who wants to read a 3 page-long Facebook post? *eye roll*). But I read an article this morning that really resonated with me, as it is an issue I have felt very strongly about since I was a young teen. And although I highly disagree with most of the views within the article (Ms. Erykah Badu's, to be exact), I do agree that it is a topic that deserves more conversation among ourselves as adults and with our children/youth in general.

Let me start by saying as I am not a perfect adult, I was also not a perfect child/teenager/etc. But as a teenager, I have to say I wasn't too bad, generally speaking. I was an athlete, I had a good group of friends, I was involved in several school organizations, I made good grades, and I rarely got into trouble. But the few times I remember getting into trouble at school was always for...my attire. Either my shorts were "too short", a sliver of my mid-drift would show if I reached over my head, or the straps of my shirt were "too narrow". Several times my mom would have to leave work to bring me clothes to change into, or I would be forced to wear my sweaty gym shirt for the remainder of the day. I would ask the teachers, and even the principal, why this was made such a big deal, and all they could tell me was, "Those are just the rules." When I posed the same question to my mom, she basically said, "I guess it's because they feel it could be 'too distracting’ to the boys in class." And my immediate reaction was: "Well, shouldn't that be THEIR problem, not mine?"

And shouldn't it be? Why does society feel it is our responsibility as females to "protect" males from their own "lustful desires"? Instead of talking to our young men and raising them in such a way to see women as more than sexual objects, we find it more appropriate to throw blankets over our young women and shove them into these "appropriate boxes" filled with shame, insecurity, and self-deprecation. In 2016, doesn't that seem like such an archaic ideology?

Some people may argue (as Ms. Badu does throughout the article) that it is more so to "protect our youth," but again, I disagree with this point. Because in my experience, it had an adverse effect on me. Although these instances initially made me feel ashamed and guilty, those feelings would later shift into feelings of hyper-sexualization, as though that were my main purpose on this earth—to attract male attention. And if I didn't do that, well then I must not be "worthy" or "woman enough." Basically, my thirteen-year-old thought process was, "Oh, so boys are only looking at me and being nice to me because they find me physically attractive? And even more so if I wear some clothes that are a little more revealing?? And so if I ever want a boyfriend, this is how I need to dress and act in order to get a boy to like me??? I can do that!" (Poor, poor little thirteen-year-old Lisa...)

But this is the message we are sending to our daughters and sisters and nieces—by doing this, we are saying to them, "YOUR identity is mostly based on your physical appearance and sexuality and YOU are the problem and it is YOUR responsibility!" Instead of empowering our young women by teaching them to use their brains, to know their worth, and to own their sexuality, we are perpetuating the idea that a female is not only defined by her outward appearance, but she should also tailor that appearance to society's views of what is deemed "appropriate" or "fitting". We are living in an age of Beyoncés and Hillarys and Oprahs, where women are finally coming to the forefront in all different fields and female empowerment is a growing movement...and then here we are taking 12 steps back by telling our young women, "You can do anything and be anything in this world—as long as you dress appropriately and don't distract the boys in the process."

It wasn't until my mid-20's that I finally had a breakthrough and was able to break away from these imposed notions. If I wanted to wear a pencil skirt with a silk blouse and heels to work, it wasn't to impress my boss. If I wanted to wear a form-fitting dress and some lipstick for a night out, it wasn't to attract a man. I wore it because I liked it...because it made me feel good...because it expressed my personality and mood at that moment. The clothes didn't change—my attitude and perspective did. It took me 25+ years to finally take back and own my sexuality and cultivate my identity as a woman. I am still a work in progress and learning every day, but I can at least say that I love myself, unabashedly and unapologetically.

And don't you want that for your daughter...for your sister...for your niece…for yourself? I know I do. And whether it's my teenage sisters or (God willing) my future daughter, I want them to grow up in a world where they don't feel defined by the bearing of their shoulders or the hemline of their skirts. I want them to be able to look at themselves in the mirror and love themselves for their thoughts, their talents, their aspirations, their hearts, their compassion, and yes—even their bodies. I want them to focus on their goals and dreams and desires...not what others' opinions or perceptions of them may be. I never want them to ever feel as though they need to cover themselves up or dumb themselves down for anything or anyone. That's the world I wish for more than anything for these young women in our world and for those to come—freedom to explore and express all parts of themselves without hesitation or fear of judgment.

That is the future I pray for. For my sisters and my nieces and my cousins and my future daughter—and for yours. But again, it is not only up to us to empower our young women, but also it is our responsibility to educate our young men on how to respect themselves and young women. So let's make sure we're doing our part to make a better future for our youth—no dress code required.

(Originally published April 12, 2016)