The TML Blog
Thank U, Next
“Perhaps it requires of you precisely this existential anxiety in order to begin. Precisely these days of transition are perhaps the period when everything in you is working...”
Nine years.
I had just celebrated nine years at my company when I got the call. My mind (and body) was reeling as I was still very much in the throws of an ectopic pregnancy that I hadn’t even given much thought to my office manager asking if I had a few minutes to talk. I assumed she was calling to maybe check to see how I was doing since most of my firm was aware of my current health situation, but boy was I wrong…
I suppose it was a pretty standard reaction to being caught completely off-guard with some life-changing news—shock, numbness, disbelief. She essentially said, “I’m really sorry to do this, but we’re going to have to let you go,” and I just remember responding with a lot of “okays” and “I understands” and “no problems.” It was very abrupt, very short, and very matter-of-fact. I hung up and found myself almost in a daze-like state…so much so that I turned back to the project I had been working on before the call and planned to wrap up my work for the day before logging off as if nothing had happened. But as I began to do that, my computer froze. I assumed it was the usual issue of our server being glitchy or my internet cutting out, so I logged out and logged back in…but I couldn’t—they had already kicked me out of their system. And just like that…I was unemployed.
But once the initial shock wore off, I was greeted with a feeling that I can only describe as…relief. You see, as grateful as I was to be employed (especially through COVID), I did not love my job. Not at all. Not even a little bit. It was a steady income, provided benefits, and I did get to work from home, but what had started out as a sense of freedom and security, over the years, had begun to feel stifling and suffocating. In the past year, we had gone from three people in my department down to two with zero pay increase to match the increased workload, I was bound to my desk/landline work phone (dear GenZer’s — a “landline” is a phone relic of yesteryear that is hardwired into a wall of your home that today is only used by elder Boomers and telemarketers), and I was becoming more and more micromanaged by the day. In the words of today’s youths: it was indubitably not the vibe.
To be fair, my office manager was just doing her job, and she handled it with professionalism, kindness, and compassion. My boss on the other hand—the man I had worked for for nine whole years—said nothing. Not a phone call. Not an email. Not a text. NOTHING. It was like I was suddenly back in the halls of my high school being handed a note from my boyfriend by my boyfriend’s best friend breaking up with me—adding insult to injury. It felt disrespectful…it felt inconsiderate…it felt cowardly. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m not mad…I’m just disappointed.
I say all of this to make this point: regardless of what your job title is or how long you’ve worked there or how “family-oriented”/“tight-knit” your company is, to them, you are very much replaceable (and that’s on capitalism babyyy). I don’t say that to mean you aren’t a wonderful being or that you don’t bring a ton to the table or you aren’t incredibly smart and talented. You are. What I mean is that at the end of the day, you are providing a service to a company that is paying you for said service. There may be some great perks and benefits (and, hopefully, a great work culture!) mixed in, but it is very much a transactional relationship. So set the necessary boundaries. Take the PTO (all of it). Establish a healthy work-life balance. And for the love of all that is good and holy, do not stay in a job that makes you miserable.
When talking with my best friend about losing my job shortly after it happened, she (kindly) said to me: “You were miserable in that job. You have been for a long time. And let’s be real…had it not happened this way, you probably would’ve never left.” (and that’s on my fear of change) She was right. And she also pointed out that I now seemed to have a certain lightness about me—a noticeable shift in my mood and overall being—and I felt it, too. I found myself in this unexpected transitional period, and I wasn’t scared. I was actually excited. Because now I had the space and the opportunity to pursue something I actually wanted to do. As always, I say this with full awareness of the level of privilege it takes to make such a statement, but I worked so hard in my side hustle in 2022 to afford myself the ability to take some time off, heal, and reevaluate what I wanted my life to look like. And in the seven’ish months since losing my job, I have never felt more rested, energized, creative, and inspired in terms of work. I’ve since been gifted a wonderful job opportunity doing something I love and thoroughly enjoy that provides far more “benefits” than anything my other job could have (or would have) ever offered me.
So if you’re reading this and you, too, find yourself in a miserable work environment, please take this as your sign to get out. Or at least start exploring some other options. See what’s out there. At the risk of being overly cliché, life is too damn short, y’all. No job title, no amount of pay, no benefits package is worth staying in a soul-sucking position that will slowly drain the life out of you. I understand that we have to have a level of practicality (especially in this current economy), but I promise you there’s a job out there that will pay the bills AND bring you a little bit of joy. Or at the very least allow you to grow and explore certain facets of yourself, whatever they may be. Or, you know, just not make you dread showing up every day? I know it’s hard to see it now, but I promise you…being on the other side of it, I have truly never been happier. Am I grateful for the lessons and friends that job provided me? Of course…but I honestly can’t believe I stayed as long as I did. So whether you’re in a toxic situation or just an unfulfilling one, do something today that your future self will thank you for. You (past, present, and future) deserve it.
Why I'm Choosing to Be Grateful
I’m not here to sugarcoat what’s going on right now…times are tough and things are scary. Regardless of who or where we are, we are all feeling the effects of what is happening in our world. And if any of you suffer from anxiety like I do (G.A.D. 🙋🏻♀️), it can definitely exacerbate the fear and stress of it all.
But in spite of all of this—and because I have no control over these outside forces—I am choosing to shift my focus to one of the few things I do have control over: my perspective. And with that said, I am going to spend some time every day for the next week highlighting the things I am most grateful for…an #AttitudeOfGratitude, if you will.
So I have created this template with the intention to share 5 things that I’m grateful for over the next 7 days, and I’m challenging you to do the same. Because in a time of adversity and uncertainty, it’s important to remember the positive things life still brings us.
Today I am grateful for:
My baby brother. (Happy Birthday, Tobe!)
Being back in Alabama and closer to family. (Fun fact: Today is my 4 year anniversary of moving from LA to AL!)
COFFEE. (I think we can all be grateful for that)
My ability to work from home. (And because of this have been unknowingly honing my "social distancing" skills for the past 4 years...who knew?!)
Cozy pajamas. (That I, fortunately, get to work in from home!)
So whether it's big or small, we all have things in our lives that we can be grateful for...even in these bizarre times. Let me know what you're grateful for by posting and sharing this template and tagging me (and a friend or two!) on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter!