Identifying My Identity

“Identity cannot be found or fabricated but emerges from within when one has the courage to let go.”

— Doug Cooper

As humans, I believe that we all to some degree have an innate desire to be known for something—whether it's a job, a trademark look, or some kind of attribute that makes us unique. And today, in a world run by social media, that desire seems to be amplified with bloggers, influencers, and really anyone trying to find something, anything to help them stand out from the crowd. (I believe the kids are calling it their "brand"?) So when you find something that becomes "your thing", there is a strong sense to hold onto it, tightly...and perhaps for some, too tightly.

For me, it's my hair. Throughout the past 15'ish years, being known as "the girl with the long, red hair" has become "my brand". Friends, family, and (especially) strangers make comments often, which as someone who's #1 love language is "Words of Affirmation," it truly makes my little heart sing. But as silly as it may sound (and I'm sure that it does), what can be perceived as an attractive characteristic can start to become a serious point of insecurity.

Because when you start to become "known" for something, you slowly find yourself putting more and more stock into that thing, and little by little it begins to seep into your psyche and sense of being. It initiates in our subconscious until we find ourselves sitting in a salon chair literally staring it in the face and asking questions like, "What if others don't like it?" ... "What if I'm getting rid of the one thing that makes me special?" ... "What if I'm not 'me' anymore?" This is exactly where I found myself last week—in the midst of an identity crisis (and a mild-moderate anxiety attack).

These questions gave me pause, and I sat for a few moments trying to dig deep to understand why I was holding on to these inches of hair—something on the surface so frivolous and superficial, yet I felt tears welling up in my eyes at the mere thought of cutting them off. That's when the epiphany hit: You cannot confuse "identifiable" with "identity". "Identifiable" is how others recognize and distinguish you...'identity' is how you recognize and distinguish yourself. My hair is something identifiable about me, but it is not who I am. It is not a reflection of my talent, my intellect, or my character...it's literally just hair.

"You cannot confuse 'identifiable' with 'identity'. 'Identifiable' is how others recognize and distinguish you…'identity' is how you recognize and distinguish yourself."

There is nothing wrong with having a brand or a niche or a thing that you're known for. By all means, go out and make a name for yourself, earn that title, or rock that look—just know that those things are a part of you, not the whole you. So whether it's a job, a title, or a look, I encourage you to stay focused on what matters, don't take yourself (or "your brand") too seriously, and when an opportunity to mix things up arises, take the plunge...or the cut. ;)

12 inches gone! Shout-out to Christina at The Red Door for encouraging me to take the leap and doing the damn thing on this head.